Watchu Say?! Wednesday

June 5, 2013June 7, 2013Leave a comment

As most of you already are aware if you follow me on Instagram, one of my favorite things to do is document the horrendous form of the written English language in Korea. People walk around with some of the most butchered sentences or inappropriate sayings on their clothing, and I believe it’d be a huge disservice to our eyeballs and all the Grammar Nazis out there (myself included), not to capture such technical gems.

I’ve decided to make a weekly post on this ol’ blog of mine chronicling the outcome of what happens when Koreans choose not to utilize the overabundant amount of foreigners in their country, and instead decide to #justclickprint.

For the first Watchu Say?! Wednesday, this is actually the first #justclickprint t-shirt I hunkered down and bought myself. I found it in a stall in Gangnam Station, and stood there laughing to myself and debated spending the 10,000won (~$10) on it for a solid 15 minutes. The girl working there was most likely clueless as to why I was laughing and shaking my head at a t-shirt, which I’m sure is usually the case when I find something good.

I finally decided that it was definitely too good a find to pass up. Between the floral and the message it’s struggling to get across, I had to own it.

In case you are at a loss for what it says, here’s what it should say:

Peace
Love
Understandin’

I just wish I had the gusto to wear it to school since I’m such a fan of it. However, as a teacher of the English language, I can’t bring myself to do it.

Oh well! Until next time!

안녕! (Annyeong = Goodbye)

My Korean Mommy Got Married <3

June 3, 2013Leave a comment

On Sunday I finally had the opportunity to attend my first Korean wedding! Leni, my first co-teacher and Korean mommy when I was on my death bed, got married and looked like such a princess in her humungous gown as it flowed and draped so perfectly while she posed for photos with guests. I got there a few minutes after the rest of my co-workers, and when they came out from taking photos with her, they told me she kept asking where I was. I quickly ran over to her and almost cried. Then we threw up some peace signs 🙂

As for the rest of the wedding I really didn’t know what to expect. All I’d heard was that Korean weddings are extremely different than weddings back home. That they’re really quick ceremonies, like 20 minutes max, some people wear jeans, and that as soon as one ends the next wedding is ushered in, and of course the buffet afterwards.

That’s pretty much how it went. After taking pictures with Leni we went downstairs and there were so many people there. Jin told me that this was one of the biggest weddings she had been to. I lost my group of people for a little bit, but ended up stumbling upon Leni’s twin sister and her parents, so I introduced myself. They instantly knew who I was and their faces lit up. I was so excited to meet them, especially her sister, and they were so adorable and sweet like her. I also met her hubby-to-be who was so smiley and cute when he said hello to me. Good thing about being the only foreigner there is that the important people instantly knew who I was!

Then I gave my white envelope of monies to Leni’s sister, after not really being sure who to give it to. Jin later told me that the people sitting at these tables collect the money and have you sign some book. They’re typically relatives of the family. But she told me that giving it to the sister was perfect. Life of a foreigner here, always being some kind of clueless! It’s also not customary to give gifts. Everyone gives money, and you generally give varying amounts depending on how well you know the people.

A few minutes later, the workers started ushering everyone to the sides to form a walkway. The musician started playing, they rolled out a fancy red carpet (which apparently is unusual!) and down the aisle she came with her dad. I almost started crying again.

And into the really long wedding hall. Jin really liked this one because she felt it was really simple and not gaudy with lots of candles and chandeliers like most of them. Very *her style*.

Here’s one of their engagement photos and the announcement for their wedding just outside the chapel. It says their names, Oh Won Taek and Kim Chan Young (Leni).

The ceremony was really different. In the states everyone pays attention to what is going on and it’s intimate no matter the size. But here as I looked around everyone was on their phone or talking to each other, and a huge group of us were just gathered at the back by the door which was open into the foyer area. The guests for the next wedding were all out in the foyer and it was super noisy. Obviously I can’t understand the ceremony, but it was so loud back there.

The next part I thought was really cute and funny. I wish I got it on video. I guess a lot of times the groom or someone sings at the end of the ceremony. So, the groom and his friend sang and rapped a song for Leni. It was like a noraebang on steroids and chiffon.

Before the ceremony even finished, per usual Korean standards, I was told we were going to go eat now, and off to the buffet we went! We handed our food cards to the hostess and then my stomach exploded with excitement. SO MUCH FOOD! Here’s a picture of my second plate filled with sushi and japchae.

While we were eating, Leni and her husband came around dressed in hanbok to pop their heads in and say hi to their guests. It was super informal and many of the people eating were attending different weddings. In the dining hall there was also a huge projection screen on the wall showing the wedding that was going on. So, essentially people can come to the wedding and just sit and eat and watch the wedding while stuffing their face. So bizarre, but tis a huge cultural difference!

In total the whole wedding from arrival to departure was about 2 hours. Totally different from the extravagant ceremony and reception that is typical of western culture.

I’m glad I finally got to attend a wedding in Korea, and I’m so happy it was for someone that I love so much!

KoKo’s Resident Klutz

May 28, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

I was sitting with Jeewon, Tim and Andria Friday night at a failed evening of watching Reservoir Dogs on the rooftop at Platoon in Gangnam, and somehow my still (almost 2 months later) sprained ankle came up. Then I got to pondering all my epic falls since coming to Korea. I mean, if anyone knows me you know I’m a klutz, but ever since coming to this country I seem to have forgotten how to put one foot in front of the other. It’s a bit absurd, I’m the first to admit.

Well, I made a tiny list of some of my goodies so they’ll never ever be forgotten once the bones heal and the bruises fade.

1 – ~6: Winter 2011

While still learning how to walk on snow and ice, I had quite a few tumbles that first winter. Many of them were in the Family Mart right by my school. And many came back to back, as in right after I got up I fell back down again, and took down a few bags of chips with me. Actually, I could probably tack on a few more falls to that number up there, but we’ll just keep it at ~6 for my own sanity.

Remarkably, this past winter I don’t recall falling in the snow. Job well done, me.

Note: Don’t wear Uggs in the snow.

7. Japanese Karaoke Room during a typhoon

During a typhooning evening in Kyoto, Japan, 30 bottles of sake took over a karaoke room. Somewhere between not all of it making it into the appropriate glasses, and my own sheer excitement over singing the next Celine Dion or Disney tune, I collided with a puddle of sake on the ground and nearly broke my hand. It didn’t feel right for a good month afterwards, but somehow it healed itself, and Japan will go down as how I came to be Noraebang obsessed.

8. 80s Roller Derby

This is easy. I hadn’t legit roller skated in a really long time and someone had extra WD40’d those roller skates because were really slippery. It was a given that I was going to plummet either face first or tuchous first. Thank heavens I’ve been blessed with a padded posterior.

9. 90s Dance Off for Namibia

The floor was slippery, I was in tap shoes. It was a recipe for disaster. At least I can say I tapped my ass off and we WON. Let’s relive it again, shall we? It gets good at 2:26. And really good at 2:34.

10. I FELL OFF A BUS

2 weekends ago was Buddha’s Birthday so we had a 3 day weekend. Andria and I decided we wanted to breathe some fresh air, so we headed out of Seoul and up to Paju, about 45 minutes away by bus, and about a hop, skip and a jump from the North Korean barbed wire border. Despite the locale, it’s a really cute little town with lots of coffee shops and random little art and chatchky galleries that we were excited to take advantage of.

But that’s besides my point right now.

Before I even stepped foot in Hyeri, the area of Paju that we were going to, my fun had already begun!

As I was swiping my T-Money card to get off the bus, I somehow missed the middle step in my footing, and in a nanosecond my whole body went repelling downwards. I was caught somewhere between a lunge and a split from the top to the bottom step, and GOD BLESS my cat like reflexes, because if I hadn’t jut my arms all the way up and back to grab those metal bars I surely would have eaten that pavement and my teeth straight off the bus. My wallet went flying back and all I could scream to Andria was “SWIPE MY CARD!” Heaven forbid I get charged an extra 2,000won on the return having not swiped out on this journey!

Shockingly, the whole bus of Koreans let out gasps of horror, which is quite unusual, as people are so mum here and usually have nothing to do with people when something horrific or embarrassing happens on any mode of public transport. Anyways, I hoisted my lame body up and *gracefully* moved out of the way of the bus, let out a few cryscreams at the side of the rode as I held my aching knees, and checked to see if my tights had ripped (they hadn’t). Then I let out the heartiest laugh. OF COURSE I FELL OFF A BUS.

This is what my left leg looked like the next day. BATTLE WOUNDS.

Fallin’ all over the world since this epic fall at the Colosseum of Rome in 2006.

Paws For A Cause

May 26, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

I think most people who call themselves animal people have probably been animal people for the majority of their lives. They probably grew up with a dog or a cat and that was how that came to be. Well, I was pretty much scarred of at least household pets from the get-go. I can pin point the exact moment I became scared of dogs and how it stuck with me for most of my life.

I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, over at Kyla Reef’s neighbor’s house, who happened to have a dalmatian. Having just seen 101 Dalmatians, I was SO excited to see one of those adorable little pooches with my own two eyeballs and pet with my own fingertips. Well, that sentiment lasted for oh, a whole nanosecond, when that massive black and white spotted, hyperactive dog came charging directly toward me and chased me through this complete stranger’s house! I just remember screaming and crying and hiding behind a couch and under a wooden hallway table because I didn’t know what to do and I was so insanely freaked out.

Cue hatred of dalmatians and kind of being scared of dogs for most of my life….

Until Jacquie got these beautiful little babes that stole my heart forever and officially made me a dog person for the remainder of my life.

Which brings me to the point of my tale today. Last night I had so much fun, and helped raise $806.00 in a few hours for some foster animals in Korea! As most things go here on the peninsula, soju sells. And when paired with a good cause, it really outdoes itself!

My friend Andria and two other girls, Kathy and Caroline, had the idea to have a fundraiser selling shots of Korean melon, aloe and jalapeno infused soju to drunk foreigners. So, we took to the street at Haebangchon’s Music Fest, filled with an overabundance of the intoxicated waygookin willing to support the cause, minus the select cheap douche bags that I had a few choice words with. My mouth can be intolerant and sometimes gets the best of me. Can’t help it. Needless to say, it was a tremendous success, and me, Andria and Jee want to do another go at it since we had such a fun time and felt awesome doing something to help the animals!

Andria is super involved in Animal Rescue Korea, and is currently fostering a 3 legged terrier named Lola that has lived most of her life on the street. She’s been taking care of her for the past several months ~ paying her countless medical bills and just being all around patient with her as she tries to adjust to her new life in a home where she’s being cared for. When Andria leaves Korea in September, she is bringing Lola back to the States in hopes of finding her a loving home so she has a chance at a fresh start. So, a good chunk of the cash monies that we raised last night will go towards paying for her airplane ticket to America and other miscellaneous expenses towards getting her back on those 3 footsies of her’s.

Coming from a country where pets are unquestionably a part of the family, it’s really heartbreaking to see the amount of stray cats and dogs that run around aimlessly here in Korea. Koreans have a mentality where unless something is cute or perfect or young they don’t want it. That doesn’t leave much to run with for a dog with only three legs. So more often than not, when a pet has outgrown its “cute” stage, it’s just discarded. Additionally, as I just found out last night, the city shelters kill after 10 days. So, if your pet goes missing and a shelter has it, you only have 10 days to hopefully find and rescue it.

I really would love to help foster a dog, or have any dog for that matter! I want one so badly! However, I know what a humungous responsibility taking care of a dog is, and I just don’t think I can devote myself entirely to one right now at this point in my life. As much as I would LOVE to. I actually met Lola for the first time yesterday, and she sat under the table in the corner the entire time shaking because she was so scared. I know that’s not how all rescue dogs are, but on the off chance, I just don’t know if that’s how I want my first “my own dog” experience to be right now.

In any event, I’m glad I can at least help out in the little way I am able. It’s really inspiring to know that there are people out there who care so much about animals that they will bend over backwards for these little babes.

Lucky Number 3?

April 29, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

Remember this post? Well, scratch that.

Here’s a sentence I never envisioned myself uttering during those tear-fest drives to LAX on August 16, 2011 and January 25, 2013: “Year 3 in Korea is happening.”

Yep. I have renewed for one more year, and the 3 letters W-T-F are still swimming thru my brain.

I knew by going home in January I’d ramp up my anxiety a bit about the future. I live a rather anxiety-free life, especially in Korea, except when money or big changes are happening, which I think is fairly normal. However, when it kicks in, it kicks into full blown I’m-not-slowing-down-to-even-let-you-sleep mode. The past 1.5 years in Korea have been completely void of this feeling, which is the most wonderful thing ever. That is, until recently. Dun dun dun.

Up until 2, maybe 2.5 weeks ago, I was completely 110% set on the fact that I would be leaving Korea by September 2013 at the very latest. I had started thinking I’d go to another country in Asia (maybe Hong Kong, Taiwan or China) for a new experience after traveling India and going home for a bit. Then shit started getting more real. There’s only 4 months of our current contract left, and I realized I’m almost 30 and need to have a more stable plan in order for that return home, and then the jumping off point after to go off without a hitch. I know myself, and if I were to go home with just the money I’d leave Korea with (which would be a pretty penny after 2 years!) I’d sit and stew at home about my next move, blow that cash in the process, and my anxiety would be left even worse.

So, in the long run, a year is only a year, and for my own sanity it’ll be easier for me to get my ducks in a row this year abroad than it would be to do the same thing at home in the crazy Schaeff abode. Not to mention, I’ll basically be doubling the money that I’m going to be leaving Korea with. I never thought I’d be here for 3 years, and I thought I’d have my shit together, but turns out that even though this year has been awesome, I feel like I didn’t do anything remotely proactive to make that happen. So big girl pants must be worn this year. And I plan to write a lot in the process.

I know my mom is not happy about it, per our 10 minute phone call resulting in a swift click of End Call, and Sista wants me home for her and the pups. But, after talking to some pretty unbiased close friends who have their heads tightly screwed on straight, my dad, and lots of introspective Seoul searching, accompanied by a very trusty dusty Pros/Cons list, I feel that I’ve made the adult, mature, responsible decision. Even though my heart is running rampant and can’t flutter straight, my head is the only thing that feels remotely clear, so I’m ultimately happy with my decision, albeit the massive pit in my stomach. Plus, that means more travel adventures para mi, and there ain’t NOTHIN wrong with that! 🙂

Oh, and I will also be looking into finding a new apartamento in a more central locale, because home girl can’t hang in the boonies of North Korea (not really) for one more year. And word on the street is that a good handful of my loves will still be around, so that is easing me just a skotch.

So folks, you’ve got 16 more months to find a way to make me even more popular than I already have been in the visitor department. August 2014 will be my OFFICIAL OFFICIAL departure date from South Korea. You’ve got my word 🙂

And one last OH! I’m going to look into flights home for August. I know, twice in one year…CRAY! But, this is in order to make Mama Schaeff and Sista a little happier, and to ease my probably forthcoming anxiety if I were to come home in January. I may try to come to NYC as well, so I will keep all you fine lovelies abreast 🙂

Brotha Schaeff Is 25! YA YA YU YUH!

April 21, 2013May 31, 2013Leave a comment

I still remember the day my brother came home from the hospital. My mom was holding him and I ran over from my seat in the waiting room and he was in this red and black tie dyed tank top number. He was so skinny yet chunky and teeny and had this jet black head of hair. I was officially a big sister for the 2nd time that April 21st, 1988.

He probably looked something like this, with the addition of the tie dye. Mama Schaeff loved tie dye, and yes, I have the most bizarre memory.

Then he grew up a little more, got cuter and learned where his feet were, like most babies do.

His hair and eyelashes also grew longer, and then the compliments came rolling in. I still remember my mom getting compliment after compliment for my brothers eyelashes. He was seriously the cutest baby with the biggest eyeballs in the world!! I meannnnn!!! Here he is with my mom’s dad, Grandpa Jack.

As he got older, and by older I mean like, in kindergarten, he learned what *bad words* were. That’s when I learned that soap and Tabasco sauce were used for things other than washing your hands or flavoring your food.

There are also a couple memories of Michael that still to this day crack me up to TEARS, and I do mean literal CRYING OF LAUGHTER TEARS.

1. Strawberry Jacuzzi. I had a massive crush on this guy Sahand in 7th grade, like, it bordered on obsession. Anyways, one summer day my mom drove me, my sister, Cori and Michael to Sahand’s house (to stalk him? I don’t know?) I was wearing a forest green Yosemite tank top and Birkenstocks. I remember that. And my brother did this crazy full body convulsion dance while blaring “WHOAAA STRAWBERRY JACUZZI! WHOAAA!” just like Kel does in Good Burger. He would continuously do the Strawberry Jacuzzi whenever he’d watch Kenan and Kel, and still to this day Cori and I die of laughter and still talk about THE Strawberry Jacuzzi. It never goes out of style.

2. YA-YA-YU-YUHHH. Back in 8th grade I got my first computer. It was a Dell, because that’s what everyone had. They came fully equipped with a detachable microphone to record all the gems you saw fit. Well, I came home one day with Cori, plopped down at my computer to probably do one of those sUrVeYs or something, and found a voice recording on my desktop. Naturally we clicked on it. It was of my brother, and it started out really slowly of him singing what we believed to be “Hallelujah” but sounded more like “yayayuyuh”. Well, it was slow and almost a whisper in the beginning, and as it progressed on it got higher and higher and higher and as it ultimately reached the power crescendo, he burst into this MAGICAL rendition of “YA-YA-YU-YUHHHHHH”. It went on for maybe 5 minutes and Cori and I were crying and peeing in our pants at the same time. Yet again, we still talk about YAYAYUYUH. YAYAfreakinYUYUH!

I will say Michael and I have not always gotten along or had the best relationship, but I have only been blessed with one little brother, and despite everything, I love him with all my heart plus more. He’s a nut ball, but who isn’t a little whack in the noggin these days? And there are two big things I can thank him for introducing into my life ~ *NSYNC and Britney Spears. If it wasn’t for him bringing a couple of their CDs on a cruise to Hawaii, I may have remained in the dark for a little while longer.

Now for a little time travel just because 🙂

Here I am with him while he looked like the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters had a baby with a mad scientist.

Thanksgiving one year with Grandma Lucy. Mikey decided to give the fagala hand.

We went on a family trip to Washington D.C. and obviously posed with The Acorn like all those from Agoura did. Duh! Can you believe this only won us Honorable Mention?!

This photo captures the 3 of us TO A TEE.

We went to Israel for my Bat Mitzvah and sat on this camel posing with this Arab. On this trip, Michael spit in a boy’s face, and laughed at me (with Jacquie) when I couldn’t accurately read my Torah portion swiftly enough. Neither of them had a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, thus making them still children.

Flash forward a few years while I’m in college at UCSB and Michael is in high school. He came up for a very famous Halloween in Santa Barbara. He got drunk for his first time, did his first beer bong and then got lost with a bunch of men dressed up as Playboy Bunnies. Then he made this face.

Jacquie and I played *Best Sisters in the World* for the evening and took him to see Britney Spears on his birthday. We came home with this photo with “her”.

I eventually moved across the world, and we all cried at the airport and looked like sloppy Rudolph’s.

Then I came home for a visit, and when I left for Korea again, the airport security man took this awesomely flattering and exquisite photo of us and Papa Schaeff.

Well, Brotha Schaeff, I love you. I hope you stay out of trouble, keep ‘bows in check and that all of your teams have pristine records this year so you don’t fly off the handle! I know we don’t always get along, but know that you’re always in my heart and I love you more than anything and would do anything for you in the blink of an eye. So, keep it in line and don’t scare those puppies, mom, dad or Jacquie. Love you, crazy face! Mwah!

ByeBye, HeyHey ~ Off You Go To “A Whole New World”

April 18, 2013June 1, 20132 Comments

I can’t believe I am even writing this post. It actually pisses me off that I’m making myself do this. However, I’ve come to use this blog space of mine to pay a little love to the people near and far who I want to give a big virtual hug to no matter where we both reside in the world at any present moment at any present time on any day of dire significance.

This one is dedicated to my beautiful Stephanie Anne Heyduck, who has become one of the nearest and dearest to my heart during this last year and a half in Korea. It makes me really sad that her time here has expired, but that’s what comes with the expat territory. Those who we become so close with weave in and out of our lives and that’s that. I guess it’s what we indirectly signed up for in choosing a lifestyle fueled by wanderlust; bonding together with others who also thrive on that same passion to wander and move about this glorious globe to explore and conquer.

As we’ve cuddled, danced and traveled our way through an ever-growing friendship, it’s always been apparent to me that Steph is totally one of those people who is unbelievably wise beyond her 25 years. Whether it be in matters of the heart or the world, she always manages to have the wild child in check with the mature adult who’s got their head screwed on straight. She’s also one of those people that just knows something about everything, no matter the topic. I only know a few of those kinds of people and she’s one of them. It always kind of amazes me and I’m just like WHA?! Where you come from?! She’s a special one, and I love her dearly.

Now for a little journey thru some of my fave highlights of the past year and a half frolicking thru the far East together 🙂

The first time I met Steph was when Jeanette and Carmen were visiting. It was maybe my 3rd week living in Seoul, and Jeanette and Steph realized they had practically matching tattoos. Friends.Seoulmates.WHAT.

Here’s the first time Steph, Katie, Abby and I officially became a foursome after each others hearts. We hiked to the top of Namsan Tower and then struggled to take this photo in the geographical center of Seoul! Many of my “I’m so happy I’m in Korea moments” have been spent with these ladies, and they’ll all always hold one of the most special places in my little Korean heart.

She introduced me to one of my favorite Korean foods, Shabu Shabu, in the Ying Yang pot, one freezing cold night after shopping our butts off in Myeong-dong. Nom.

We’ve had some shenanigans, and this was one random night out on the town while everyone else got down on a bus filled with soju. Hey, we all make mistakes. She dragged me, she loves me despite it 😉

We got money hungry at the Trick Eye Museum. AKA the most fun museum EVER!

Then we got ballsy and decided to eat some live octopus together for the first time. Actually not so bad and kinda fun.

Somewhere around this time we decided we’d bare it all and get naked with each other at the jjimjilbang. We did, and it was weird for like 2 minutes, and then it was awesome, and then we went again, and we became obsessed even though we didn’t do it as often as we thought we would. But still. It brought us as close as 2 naked platonic girlfriends can get. Both in and outside of our sexy jjimjilbang attire.

Her family came to visit, got us smashed to pieces during her mom’s first date with soju, and then Papa Heyduck did a sorority pose in this photo with us all.

There were a couple girls nights in. This may have been what they started out looking like.

And then the aftermath to the tune of some Disney movies and Twilight and makkoli and soju.

Then we took on a bit of traveling together. First came that unforgettable typhoon of a trip to Japan where we rode bikes around Kyoto…

Got our plans “horribly” rearranged by an unexpected typhoon…

And then relocated ourselves to the nearest karaoke room where Steph gave us this private show (before I inevitably hogged the mic). Adele or Celine perhaps? The sake won’t allow me to remember. Whatever the song, her voice sang it magically. From this moment on we became noraebang obsessed.

Shortly after, we went to go Barack the vote together. We were VERY excited to make our voices heard.

And after he won the election, the two of us rented out the VIP room at a local noraebang in Itaewon (because it was the only one available), drank ourselves silly on a Wednesday night, and sang our Disney hearts wild for 2 hours because we were so happy for our man Barry. One of my all time fave Steph & Dani moments to date. “I can show you the worldddddddd……”

Of course by far one of my favorite things everrrrr that we’ve done was going to Thailand and Laos together this past February. You don’t really know someone til you either live or travel with them, and we traveled really really well together. We had such an amazing time playing with elephants and tigers, cooking exotic cuisine, crossing the border like a coupla Mexican cholas in the back of one too many pick-up trucks, and meeting lovely French lassies and gorgeous Argentinian men along the way. (I have majorly slacked in posting about that trip, but it will be coming soon, I promise. Eeeep!)

Needless to say, friendship is nothin if you’re not there to help hoist your friend’s fat ass up on top of a hormonal elephant…

Or sit down next to each other in some tiger pee to get those one-in-a-million shots in life!

Tonight after Abby and I had to fight back premature tears while saying bye to Steph at our 2nd to last dinner together, we were talking about when we first signed up to move our lives to Korea. We had envisioned living amongst a new culture, with new foods, new experiences, new travels, a new language to make up the white noise in our background, and we knew we’d make friends abroad. But, we both made the connection that neither of us had really put much thought into the relationships we were going to build and who would soon become our family whilst carrying on our new lives. I guess you don’t really plan or think about those types of things because they’re organic and happen as they will. With the ending of year one a slew of great loves left, but Stephanie is my first great girlfriend who’s been there since the beginning, to leave Korea, and that’s a killer. Great girlfriends are not easy to find, and she is just one of those friends that I am so lucky to have snatched up.

To wrap it all up, I love you Stepaneeeeee, and I’m gonna miss you, like, times 10 million to the max. But, I know we are both wanderers and this is just a BIG “see ya later”. My time spent in Korea would never have been quite the same without you in it, and I hope this next chapter of your life is a lot less (kimchi) smelly, but just as fulfilling as the past 2 years have been. I love you to infinity and beyondddddddd.

<3,

Dani

Healing The World Thru MJ & ESL

April 11, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

There have been a couple times in my life when I quite vividly remember Michael Jackson songs leaving a feeling with me that so permanently stuck. I’ll start with the second story first because it isn’t as applicable to this post as the first is.

This was during my junior year of college during Fiesta weekend. I drank too much of a bucket at Sharkeez, however I wasn’t even drunk, but felt absolutely sick so I was sitting down moping in the corner while everyone was dancing and having a great time. BUT, the second “Billie Jean” came on, a fire was lit under my ass and I lept up and to the dance floor I went for a good 4 minutes of hardcore dancing….ultimately retiring to my nauseafest in the corner once the song concluded. If only for those 4 minutes, thanks to the great MJ, my night was quite complete. Ever since then, I cannot sit down during “Billie Jean.” IT IS MY JAM.

Now on to the first story. When I was in 5th grade, the music teacher would come around to our classroom and teach us songs once a week. This one week we happened to learn “Heal the World.” I instantly FELL IN LOVE with the song and all I remember trying to do that whole period was steal the lyric sheet that the teacher handed out to us. Then when goody-two-shoes-ol-me was too scared to steal it, I began frantically trying to write down all the lyrics. When that got to be too much, I finally ended up stealing the sheet. Phew! I was determined to learn that song! Essentially, I thought the song was so beautiful and fell in love with the power behind the words at such a young age, and it is a memory of a song I will never ever forget.

Well, this past chapter with my 5th graders, Jin and I were teaching about “What a wonderful……” She had taught them the song “What a Wonderful World” and thought it would also be really great to teach them about the differences the world over. The poverty, the obesity, the riches, the diseases, the fighting, the different ethnicities, the different religions and skin colors, all co-exiting together. This is so important, especially since Korea is such a homogenous society and many will never have the chance to leave, or may never choose to leave. It was also really special to me to have the chance to teach it to them with Jin since I had first learned the song when I was their age and it had such a lasting impact on me. After watching the video with Korean translation, one of my students ran up to me asking if she could please have a lyrics sheet. I instantly gave her a hug and it brought me right back to when I was her age scrambling to keep those lyrics for my own. Major heart swell.

The irony in all this is that while teaching these children about healing the world, and while I was making this video, our neighbors up above are all consumed with blowing the world up. Anyways, below is a video of the song project that they did. Hope you enjoy 🙂

And just for fun, because I’ve had a week FILLED will Michael Jackson love, here’s another video of two of my little nerds singing, and completely GETTIN DOWN with their bad selves, to “I’ll Be There” by The Jackson 5.

With the 6th Graders we were learning “I will….” so we learned this song as a dictation exercise. I caught the little guy on the right totally gettin all soulful in his seat all the way in the back, so I jokingly asked him if he wanted to come to the stage up front and perform for the class, and he gladly accepted my invitation! John, on the left, is my favorite, super nerdy, computer programmer boyfriend. I love him more than words can say. Enjoy the comedy. This has definitely been one of my teaching English in Korea highlights 🙂

Nothin like a lil MJ to unite the freakin world.

Running For Ramen……..Sike

April 9, 2013June 1, 2013Leave a comment

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve obviously heard that there’s been a bit of a ruckus going on over here on this tiny little peninsula in the far East for about the past month or so. While I deeply appreciate all of the concern that Mama Schaeff and all my friends have shown during these very trying times as I’ve been running to the corner mart scouring for the last package of ramen and kimchi and whatever bottles of water I can manage to hoist between my arm and bosom up the treacherous hill to my apartment….I AM FINE. WE ARE FINE.

I just thought I’d put this little piece of work together to reach all of you state side who only have the US media as a point of reference to where I am living and carrying on life as normal. I will admit, yes, I have had some nerves about it because who knows what the hell that fat fuck (pardon my French) will do in an effort to flex his barely-there muscles, and with little to know guidance or from what I’m sure, life/war experience. I actually got my first ounce of fright last week at lunch when my co-teacher, Jin, told me that her mom was getting scared. I think, at least for me, that bit of anxiety comes from just the fact that we really don’t know what he will do. I read an article about the past and present young and reckless leaders of North Korea and when they rose to power. I thought it to be a bit interesting, and frightening. It’s like handing a kid a gun and telling him to just blindly shoot in the dark with Kim Jong Un. Who knows what he’s capable of.

HOWEVER, since all this has gone down, I have pretty much scoured the interwebs and read everything and its mother about what in Gods graces is going on, but I am obviously by no means well-educated, just trying to stay as best informed as I can. But, just on the basis that I am living here, and functioning, and carrying on life as I have for the past year and a half, nothing out of the normal has changed. On that note, I’m really not scared in the least. I don’t think that an attack on Seoul in going to happen. An attack will probably happen, but that will probably be to an island. In fact, just this afternoon while on my way down south after school, I snapped this shot of some soldiers riding the subway probably playing Anipang or some new stupid mobile phone game.

Keep in mind, I live pretty much as far north in Seoul as you can get and just about 4 hours ago, North Korea issued this very “legit advisory” notice to all foreigners (because we always listen to what North Korea says….). These soldiers must be taking our well-being and their fellow brothers’ very seriously. The very thought of every foreigner and every Korean storming Incheon or the KTX down to Busan to peace out to Japan makes me want to poke my eyeballs out. As if I don’t get shoved enough on my daily morning commute. Eeeep!!!

Until the US Embassy sends out something of more urgency than the following, I’ll continue on my merry little way.

April04, 2013

A Security Message for U.S. Citizens

The U.S. Embassy informs U.S. citizens that despite current political tensions with North Korea there is no specific information to suggest there are imminent threats to U.S. citizens or facilities in the Republic of Korea (ROK). The Embassy has not changed its security posture and we have not recommended that U.S. citizens who reside in, or plan to visit, the Republic of Korea take special security precautions at this time. The U.S. Embassy takes as its highest priority the welfare of American citizens in Korea. Should the security situation change, the Embassy will issue updated information.

We urge U.S. citizens to keep in regular contact with family and friends. U.S. citizens living or traveling abroad are encouraged to enroll in the Department of State’s Smart Traveler Enrollment Program (STEP), to receive the latest travel updates and information and to obtain updated information on travel and security issues.

**Rest assured I am registered with the Embassy and they have all my contact information should I need to be evacuated.

Well, aside from calming your jets on the rising tensions that you’re all reading in the news, I thought I’d include some screenshots that I got a great giggle and smile in my heart from. I know you guys only care, but seriously, take a chill pill. But, and that’s a BIG but, know that I appreciate your love and concern for the schaeff schaeff ❤

Well, for mine and my fellow peninsular comrade’s safety, I hope the big guy upstairs is just talking a big talk and we don’t get a special surprise tomorrow on April 10th. I would like to stay safe, not have to actually panic, buy ramen, flee to Japan for anything other than leisure, and I’d like the above Mama and lady loves who voiced their concerns to actually book the flights that they’ve been planning to.

Sending lots of kimchi kisses to everyone :*

My Quest To Rock The Eye Chart

March 23, 2013June 1, 20131 Comment

I still remember the first pair of spectacles I ever owned. I was in 2nd grade and they were a very stylish plastic girly frame fading from magenta to purple to a deep blue. It was pretty much love at first “ok, if I really have to wear them.” We bought them in the shopping center in Agoura where Subway and TJ Maxx are. I swear I have the most freakishly weird memory for odd detail. I had those for a second, then I graduated to these brown and black speckled gems, which I believe I really should have kept because I could have rocked them all these years later, but of course looked (and posed) a whole lot cooler.

Then in 4th grade Mama Schaeff forced me to go to Eye Therapy so that I could start wearing hard contact lenses and stop imitating my dad putting his own contacts in with my own piece of very thin ice…(there goes my memory again). I HATED Eye Therapy, but I think in some odd way it made me develop a bizarre love for going to the eye doctor. So, then in 4th grade I was forced each morning to pop my hard contacts into my eyeballs even though they felt really weird, and then pop them out of my eyeballs with this tiny plunger because I was too young to figure out how to do it with my own two fingers. This is what I looked like every night, minus the fancy nail polish, and i bit my nails back then:

Then I grew up a little and decided I wanted my eyes to be different colors, and those colors only came in soft contacts. So I had blue eyes and really green eyes, and then my eyes got fucked, for lack of a better word. Those contacts were really bad, especially when worn for too long. They’re not specifically shaped to your eye and then the printing that goes onto the lenses is also not very good. In mid 2006 my eyes started getting really red all the time, probably because I would get drunk and pass out in my contacts, but then it would just never go away, and then it got worse. It was to the point where I could barely see when I would drive and even looking at the computer would hurt my eyes and they’d water uncontrollably. Most of you know the long story, but after countless optometrists, ophthalmologists, eyedrops and months, I had Keratitis, or a really bad bacterial infection, thus resulting in the spectacles that are now part of my essence.

It actually took me a while to get used to having to wear them all. the. time. I hated having something covering my face, it felt ugly and like people couldn’t see ME. Then it just flipped and they became a part of me, and before long I felt weird without them. Now I’m pretty much at the point where I feel normal with or without them, but very much “Danielle” with my spectacles.

HOWEVER…….

Now that I’m in Korea I have decided to get laser eye surgery, something I have always had in the back of my head because, well, why not? But, I’ve always envisioned it as something out of reach because in the States it’s so expensive, the charge is per eye, and my eyes have been through the ringer and back. Korea, on the contrary, offers the surgery for a flat rate and for even less than half the cost I’d pay back home. At home I would probably be looking at paying anywhere between $5,000-$7,000 total for both eyes with my vision, astigmatism and myopia, whereas in Korea I’m going to be looking at around $1,300. Many of you are probably thinking “UMM Danielle, is it safe????? Don’t DO THAT.” But it is. Korea is LEGIT. It is a 1st world country, and is actually a major surgery destination in the world. Many people come here specifically to have any number of surgeries done because it is so highly regarded and so frequently practiced with top notch doctors and results. So not to worry. I have also been on three different consultations to weigh all my options.

Now for a brief overview of the three consultations I went on for anyone else who reads this on their quest to reading eye charts perfectly.

**All consults took about 2 hours and go through an assembly line of different machines to check everything about your eyes.

CONSULTATION 1: DREAM EYE CENTER (www.hellolasik.com/eng_site/)

Dream caters to foreigners, so it was the first place that I went to. My friend Casey went there last year for a consultation but never actually got the surgery because he was scared after being told his myopia (steepness of cornea) was too high. Turns out mine is even higher! The optometrist who helped me was wonderful, super sweet, spoke perfect English and explained everything she was doing the entire time. It was very informative, so when I met with the doctor I felt like I had a good idea of what to expect. I also really liked the doctor. He told me that since my cornea is very thin, my astigmatism is super high, my myopia is very steep (not the steepest he’s seen, but still pretty steep), and my eyes are extremely dry, I’d have to have LASEK instead of LASIK done, which has a more painful and longer recovery time, but with less chance of complication. He was also very honest and said that about 10% of people with my eye condition do sometimes regress in their vision after surgery, so there is a chance that my vision won’t stick to 20/20 afterwards. It wouldn’t go back to my current vision, just wouldn’t be 20/20. Also, given the thinness of my cornea, he said I would only be able to have the surgery once, without any chance of a touch-up surgery if I were to regress. After surgery, they would also make an eye serum from my blood that would help with the pain. They also take a DNA swap prior to surgery to test for a gene that would make the surgery ineffective.

In the end, they quoted me at 1.8million won, and that’s down from 2.2million won for having a referral and if I write a testimonial. I told them that I was going to sit on it and think because I wanted to weigh my options given the percentage for regression after surgery. So I left with a pamphlet with all my eye info to look over in a neat packet.

CONSULTATION 2: BRIGHT EYES ST. MARY’S (http://www.oklasik.com)

I read about this place on a few blogs so I made an appointment, but I’m not going to say much about this place because I couldn’t stand them. I felt extremely rushed, and about the only redeeming quality about them was the girl Chloe who was the English translator, and the prescription they wrote me for the artificial tears and special ointment I’d need to take for the scars that are on my cornea. I knew I had to do this already so I took the prescription in preparation for my third consultation so I had a head start. The optometrist got all huffy with me when I couldn’t accurately read the eye charts, and she was extremely short with me. I basically got shoved into the doctor’s chair without even a hello, and then quickly ushered out without a goodbye. I attributed it to the language barrier, but I think most doctors have a basic knowledge of English, especially one working in such an affluent area as Gangnam, so a hello and goodbye would have been nice. Then it was a back and forth between nurses who could mime things to me until Chloe came because they realized I actually had questions pertaining to a surgery. Duh.

I ended up leaving with a prescription for the artificial tears, ointment and a follow-up appointment that I intended on cancelling. They didn’t give me any neat pamphlet with my eye results like Dream did, and I didn’t know who my doctor would be. They ended up quoting me at 1.5million won.

CONSULTATION 3: GANGNAM ST. MARY’S (http://www.perfectvision.co.kr)

This was by far my favorite of the three, and I don’t think it was because it was the final one I went to. I was referred by my friends Jeremy and 4names who both had their eyes done a while back with sparkling results. I made the appointment with the English speaking girl who works there named Yunmi, and she was SO accommodating and helpful. The first time I had actually called and they only spoke Korean so they had her call me back even though she wasn’t working, so when she called I was super confused how she had my number, but then it clicked. Anyways, I went in today, and right when I walked in she greeted me through the bustling waiting room and helped me fill out the medical form. I then had an English speaking optometrist who did the most thorough eye exam of all three that I had been on. I had told them about my previous Keratitis and they had the doctor check my eyes before they took the special measurement of my pupil to make sure I was bacteria free before moving forward. None of the others did that even though I had told them my history. After all the tests were over I met with the doctor again and also told him about the prescription I had begun taking. He advised me to keep taking it, and take the ointment 2x a day instead of once because if the scars on my corneas don’t go away then I can’t have the surgery. He also told me that I have about a 5% chance of regression if I have the surgery, and there is a possibility for a second surgery if regression does happen. He broke down the numbers right in front of me too which was very reassuring. Told me the thickness of my cornea, how much they take away, what it will be after, and so on. So I made a follow-up appointment for Thursday to check my scars and hope for a big fat YES YOU CAN HAVE SURGERY.

They ended up quoting me at 1.7million won if I have the surgery in April or 1.5million won if I have it done in March, but I’m hoping they give me the 1.5 deal even if I have it in April because I came with the referrals and both friends got it done at 1.5 or 1.4. They also offer a payment plan broken up into 3 months which will help out tremendously.

In sum, it’s not a 100% go YET, but I’m going to be extremely anal in dropping those artificial tears and applying the ointment because I would love to be able to see the world for the first time through crystal clear perfect eyeballs. I can’t even remember a time when I could see clearly, so eye surgery is still impossible for me to even fathom, but it’s getting there.

Cross your fingers, toes and eyes for me pretty please with a big fat cherry on top with sprinkles! More to obviously come on this at a later date!