I Have The Best Baby Thithter!

The story that my mom, aunt and grandma always told me of when my sister was born is by far one of my favorite stories, because it perfectly encapsulates how I feel about my sister to this day.  It was September 24th, 1986 and my whole family was waiting at Cedar Sinai hospital for lil Jacqueline Lisa to be born. As soon as we got word she was here, my 2.5 year old self let loose running through the hospital halls shouting “I HAVE A NEW BABY THITHTER! I HAVE A NEW BABY THITHTER!” I was a very happy big sister with a lisp, and a new chunk of a little sister.

We used to walk through Toys R Us and speak in our own language, which now that I think about it, sounded like some form of Asian dialect.  We would post up in an aisle, or wherever we had an “audience”, and just go “ching chong hoishi mashi moo,” accompanied by “believable” gestures, to try and get people to think we were from another country. Apparently we thought people would think we were Asian. That, or we were really racist. Errr. We also used to dress in matching outfits and seriously believed that people would think we were twins, despite our vast difference in height.

Of course things weren’t always sweet and matchy matchy.  There were of course the days when I wanted to desperately ring her neck…but instead settled for dragging her out of my room on her back by her hair while she was crying and kicking. I still can’t believe I did that.  How rude of me! She also used to spy on me and my boyfriend by sticking her nose under the door, just like the younger sibling always does in every Disney movie.  That’s when I would shove towels under the door in hopes of getting rid of her.  Of course it never worked. As the bigger sister, I was just that intriguing.

But of course that’s all in the past now and we are grown up mature young women, and BFFFFFlyfe, with the occasional “Danielle’s-moody-and-gonna-bitch-and stare-up-sideways-to-the-sky-now” moments which causes a brief fight.  I know girls who no matter how old they get never get along with their sister, or just never form a closeness, and I can’t help but feel a little bad for those people because I am so freakin lucky to call my sister my #1 best friend in the entire universe.  She is someone that I can literally tell everything and anything to, who is the biggest teeny bopper in the world alongside me, who finishes my sentences, who knows what I mean when I say “it smells like Paris,” who feels the same music and does the same dance to “Pumped Up Kicks” as me as we interpret how our parents met at a party, and who flies across the whole world on a weeks notice to come celebrate my first birthday in a foreign country with me, in the snow, in a country where there is nothing for her to eat.  She is the absolute best sister that I could have EVER asked for in a million bagillion gazillion years, and she is definitely the person that I miss the most while being abroad. God bless technology and being accessible to each other at all hours of the day.

Here’s a very convincing performance she gave in an effort to coax me back stateside. Her interpretation of the puppies was the ultimate selling point.

Here is a little journey through the years.  The only thing missing is the baby video of her humping a pillow.

Can’t you see the happiness in my eyes as I squeeze lil Alfalfa Sprout?!

Most likely before or after my daily video recording, where I would shove her out of the way.

2 homegirls just kickin it on the red carpet.

Me and my shadow.

Best mama and best sista.  Hands down.

We went to the Dead Sea in our sexy Speedo bathing suits, where we slathered ourselves in mud and she laughed at me as I stumbled through my Torah portion and became a woman.

We got Jiggy wit it in a bunch of Concert of Loves.

We tapped our way into hideous stage makeup and dizzy pants, in yet another Concert of Love.

She moved to Santa Barbara to be closer to me, and got drunk for the first time.  This is what we looked like.

We experimented with our new Macbooks.

We partied with a stripper named (Lor)Enzo, who also sold sista her car.

The Disco Zebra, Santa and Ice skater celebrated ze Halloweenie together.

And then worked it out in the sexiest way possible at one of Hollywood’s classiest establishments.

We went to Bauducco’s, ate Mrs. B’s Capellini, and then took a nap at table 3… just because we are Bauducco’s royalty.

Then I decided to move to Asia, and we cried a lot.

5 months later we were reunited in the Seoul of the Far East when she paid me an impromptu Birthday visit, and broke a wine glass Gangnam Style.

As the quote says, we are “sisters by chance, friends by choice,” and I couldn’t ask for a better sister or an even better friend. LOVE YOU SISTA!!!!!! Now welcome to your almost-late-20s.

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