Blood Suckers of the Unsexy Type

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I would like to start by emphasizing that Korea has the worst, most disgusting weather I have ever experienced, especially in the summer!  Right now is monsoon season, so while it’s 150% muggy and you’re wet and sticky the second you open the door to walk out of your previously air-conned room, it’s also most likely pouring buckets outside and the mosquitoes are flying around at a rapid pace looking for the next patch of skin to suck blood from. They have decided to make me their #1 victim and I am about ready to claw all of my skin off!!!!!

Last weekend after Mud Fest I counted 30+ bug bites on my legs and arms. Then on Tuesday I went out to the suburbs of Seoul with school and we walked up to a stream then had an over-extended dinner above said stream.  I WAS DYING and got bit probably 30 more times in a 3 hour time span. I wanted to run screaming and get on that damn bus so damn bad. But no. We sat sat sat, they drank drank drank, I was bored bored bored.  Not only was the language barrier very prevalent that evening, I was annoyed and getting bitten, while all the Koreans seemed to remain untouched and just kept getting drunker and drunker. I read online that apparently the mosquitoes think foreign blood is a delicacy.  UGH.

This is my left inner thigh at the moment. I look like I have some skin-eating disease, but I am merely bruising myself because I can’t stop scratching.  These Korean mosquitoes are unlike any others I’ve encountered.  They are a million times worse than they are in SE Asia.  They make the polka-dotted legs that I acquired in Vietnam and Cambodia look like little pricks. While those were huge, these ones are like little over-sized underground pimple demons that ooze the worst itches of life. I can’t stop scratching til they bleed, and hydrocortisone and bug spray are NOT working.  I even tried rubbing dry soap on them, and will try toothpaste tonight.  Nothing has soothed the itch yet.  UGH UGH UGH. Anyways, I just wanted to bitch and moan and show you how disgusting my leg is.  Enjoy because I’m sure as hell NOT.

 

Ya Gotta Get Clean To Get Dirrrrty

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As of yesterday, I’ve been living in Korea for 11 months.  It’s crazy to think that a year has come and gone in the blink of an eye.  I’ve met so many people over here.  Some amazing homies I will for sure remain friends with forever, some a little too ‘off’ for my liking and who I will be glad to see bounce. Real talk, yo!

So, the past 2 weekends have consisted of a couple so-long-farewell-i-bid-to-say-adieus.  No tears have been shed yet, but I’ve definitely told a select few to lock up their excitement when they talk about leaving Korea and all the things they will do when they’re back stateside for good.

2 weekends ago was the over-the-top black-tie-mandatory EPIK Farewell Party (or as I like to call it, Prom 10 years later) at the swanky Banyan Tree Resort.  Despite the annoying hype, it ended up being a fun night and twas lovely to see people all gussied up. Here’s a few of my fave shots from Prom.

US President Hord & his First lady on the right, Korean President Kwon Jee Won and her bodyguard/man toy on the left. Nations uniting.

Standard shot of me & a slew of sexy AZNs.

Game face time with Mr. Monette.

Making flirty eyes with my Benji Boo Boo Bear.

Dancing with my favorite Jordanian prince. Once again, uniting nations.

And what would a black tie event (or any event) be without me & boo sexing up the camera?

And last, just because Tony is making the most horrendous face in the universe.

THEN, this past weekend we dressed down for the most amazing weekend I’ve had in the past 11 months! Around 15 of us hopped on a bus and took it 2.5 hours out of Seoul to the Boryeong Mud Festival.  It was like going back to college for a weekend, and it was nothing short of awesome. Twas such a great way to begin wrapping up the best year of my life so far with some wonderful people.  I don’t really think there’s a significance of the festival, but it lasts for 10 days, and it’s mostly foreigners with a smattering of Koreans who think it’s appropriate to bring their sheltered children to a festival of naked, drunk waygooks.

When we were clean and excited to go get dirrrrrrrrrrty.

Last minute temple sculpting.

Dawning my (and Polio’s) best ajumma wear: leopard ajumma jellies and his pink visor.

Cue madness.

Polio threw us all in the pit. Then got the pit closed down with his actions.  Oops.

Superman that hoe.

Later that night outside our pension. “Is that 4names?” Nope…some random.

Fireworks to begin the festival!

Nothin like some good clean (and dirrrrty) fun to wind down a bombass year living on this tiny peninsula in the far far East.

An Awkward Date & Signing Away My Life

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A couple awkward things happened in the past couple days.  Won’t you let me tell you about them?

1. There is a little maintenance man who works at my school, and who also happens to live in Danggogae up in North Korea where I live.  About a month or so ago he sold me my pretty purple bike with a basket.  Ever since then he has been so nice to me and literally every time he sees me starts rambling mumbo jumbo that I don’t understand, throws his hands up in excitement and then brings me some kind of treat.  First it was a peanut butter sandwich that he probably got from Family Mart down the street, then it was a Capri Sun, then it was a ginger drink, then an energy Bacchus drink, ice cream and a cup of ice water, then it was 2 pieces of caramel candy. THEN he wanted to get 피자 (“peecha”…or pizza) with me in our hood. After asking me (thru Jin) a couple times, I obliged. So we met this past Sunday at 3pm in the Dontgogay. This is the story of how I was courted by a tiny little ajussi (old Korean man).

First we ate Nangmyeon (냉면) which is delish.  It’s buckwheat noodles in an icey cold broth with a hard boiled egg, julienned cucumber and pears and then you put vinegar and dijon mustard in to taste. Tis the perfect summer meal! Anyways, we went and ate that first.  He talked to me, I didn’t understand, he slurped uncontrollably, I tried to remain unnerved by it.

Next he bought me an iced latte from the 17th Street coffee shop that I sometimes go to.  I drank, he smoked a cigarette and tried to talk with me some more.  He basically said Itaewon (the foreigner area) over and over again because he knows I went there one of many weekends.

THEN after motioning to me if I wanted any home supplies (I didn’t), we went over to the THE school.  Pizza School that is.  He motioned for me to pick out any pizza I wanted, so I chose cheese pizza.  This is him sitting and waiting for it to finish cooking.  That’s his jazzy bike in the foreground.

And to conclude our “date,” he put my pizza on the back of his bike, walked me in a circle through some janky Danggogae alley way, back to the station and to the hill before I turn off to go to my apartment.  Gladly he did not walk me further so he doesn’t know where I live. Then he told me “bali bali” (kinda like hurry hurry, go go), handed me my pizza and I was off on my way.

It was slightly awkward, but it’s interactions like this that make me so happy I’m living abroad.  It’s so interesting to me how two people literally can not effectively communicate because of a thing called language. So simple yet so complex.  Good sociology project I reckon.

2. For those who are out of the loop, I renewed my contract and signed my life away to Korea for one more year.  The first step in the renewal process is to get a medical check.  You know, to make sure I don’t have AIDS and to see if the crack is all out of my system.  The whole check consists of peeing in a cup, giving blood, getting a chest x-ray, getting my blood pressure, vision, hearing, height and weight checked, and being “interviewed” (if you can even call it that) by a doctor.  All he was concerned about was if I had any cocaine or other narcotics exposure and if I had the AIDS. Thank God I’m not a dirty waygook!

Anyways, my male co-teacher, Mr. Jang, took me and it was slightly awkward, but whatever in the grand scheme of things.  The part that really gave me a good giggle was when he directed me to the room I was supposed to go change into the x-ray gown in.  He points and whispers to me “now you must go in and take off your clothes.”  Normal co-teacher chatter. Afterwards, he continued to stand behind me through each process.  He honestly could have just sat in the waiting room while I handled it. I’m a big girl.  He almost walked me right into the women’s restroom stall until I put a hand up and said “I got it.”  He got the message.

So yea, next on the list of renewal to-dos is to renew my visa at immigration.  Now all you people who have not come to visit me have a whole year longer to figure out how to get to the far east.  Make it happen.

 

La Bamba Mi Papa

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If I had to pick one song that will forever remind me of my dad it would be La Bamba.  Yes, La Bamba. When I was little Dani Tami sitting in the back seat of Papa Schaeff’s black Grand Marquis (later to be stolen) I used to request that La Bamba be played on repeat any and every time we were in the car. It was my favorite song.  My dad had a cassette tape that he used to play.  As soon as the song would finish I’d yell out “PLAY AGAIN!” and he would play it again…and again. I’m sure he hates the song now. However, if and whenever I do get married, I can guarantee there will be a jazzy father-daughter dance to La Bamba. I can’t wait.

Today is Father’s Day back home, so the spontaneous no 2nd period, no 3rd period and no 4th period, came as a pleasant surprise, and called for an earlier Skype call home to Papa Schaeff and the rest of the whack job Schaeffs! I’ve been kind of bad about talking to my dad this whole time that I’ve been abroad, so whenever we do talk it’s always a pretty long catch up sesh on the men (if any) in my life, where I’m traveling to next and where I want to go after, if I’m (still) sick, how the house is doing, what movies we’ve seen…. all while watching my dad make stupid faces and hold the camera so close to his face that I can see up his nose.

Let’s be honest, my dad is awesome in the cookiest way possible. They say that as women we typically tend to look for men who remind us of our father, or who have qualities that they possess.  I guess that is true, because no other man in the world would put me or my family before himself.  Who would work so damn hard that it stresses him out more than it should, but does it because he loves his kids and family more than anything in the world. So why wouldn’t we look for that? He may not be able to afford everything I’ve ever wanted in my Princess world, but fundamentally, the things that make me the person I am today definitely came from the kind of father that I grew up having.  We have our fair share of problems as a family (who doesn’t), but no matter what’s happened I’ve never once doubted the dedication my dad has to our family.  He (and his once-upon-a-time fro) truly are the best.

Some of my most favorite and fantastic stories while growing up are about my dad.  HELLO San Francisco China Town/Days Inn/15 seater van fiasco.  I think I said too much. But that story never EVER fails to make me die hysterically of laughter.  In short, I love Papa Schaeff so much and consider myself one lucky lass to be his daughter.  So now let’s take a little journey through the many hairstyles and wardrobes that make him so awesome.

Little Garry Schaeffer and my Grandma Janet and Grandpa Harry back in Pittsburgh.

He was so hip, and loved to draw cubes. On everything.

After driving a taxi in NYC and Chicago,  he embraced the fro, dropped an “R” in his name (why?!), moved to Hollywood and took some commercial head shots.

And some dramatic, pensive head shots.

Played a milkman.

And posed like this in front of cars that matched his pants.

Then in 1983 he met Mama Schaeff at a party. They did a silly little dance that sista and I like to imitate all.the.time, and 6 months later decided to get hitched in Vegas.  Here’s how the rest of his life has unfolded since having children and living in Los Angeles.

Aunt Ruby came to my tea party birthday party in 4th grade.  She ran around the tea party in jogging shorts and full make up and wig.

He took me toy shopping in the most stylish way possible.

We went for a dip and a sunbathe.

And education always came first (I was reading about stocks).

He drove us on many cross-country journeys, and took us on boats to exotic places and Catalina where we washed a hot day down with ice cream and short shorts.

Education paid off and he congratulated me for drinking my way thru college.

He sent me off like so on vacations to exotic lands.

And then hugged me as I bawled my damn eyes out when I moved across the world.

Papa Schaeff rocks, and I will be listening to La Bamba all day in his honor. LOVE YOU!!

 

The Big Guy’s Birthday By The Sea

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Last, last weekend was the big guy’s birthday, and by big guy I mean Buddha, duh, I live in the far east now. What his birthday meant to us waygooks was a 3 day weekend and another opportunity to get the hell out of Seoul, so off to the beach we went! That group of us lookers above bought some bus tickets and went to Gangneung beach in the eastern province of Gangwon-do. This is supposed to be one of the most beautiful beaches in Korea, and it was wondrous!

I convinced my co-teacher/basically friend, Jin, to come and get out of the city with us and meet some fun waygooks.  I was so happy when she came in on Friday morning and told me she bought her bus ticket.  She was super nervous and scared that her brain would hurt after a weekend of only English, but was totes in for a bomb ass weekend.  I think this was probs the perfect group of people for her first truly foreigner filled hang sesh. And it was. She said it was her favorite weekend ever 🙂 Mission accomplished. Here she is playing a brutal game of Ring of Fire aka Kings.

We booked 2 nights stay at a very classy pension called Fantasia.  In case you were wondering, all of our fantasies were fulfilled here. A pension is basically a big empty room and they give you blankets, pillows and mats and you all snuggle together on the heated ondol floor (fun minus the heat permeating your body when it’s already a million degrees outside). They also provide you with a delicious array of  body sprays, lotions, toothbrushes and everything you will need to beautify yourself after a roll in the hay with your nearest and dearest. Err.

Here are two lovebirds getting our bedding dirty.

The rest of the weekend consisted of adult chicken fights:

Sumo wrestling, fully equipped with Gavina, our sexy ring girl:

Manly workout seshs in the sand:

An assload of sunbathing:

Strumming some ukulele tunes:

We also made (well, Jeewon the boy scout) a couple bonfires that went into the wee hours:

Watched our male friends try to desperately pick up chicks and fail miserably:

We even crashed a fancy Korean night club (where men and women specifically go to be set up with each other).  Needless to say, our rambunctiousness and stage hogging was well out of the ordinary for their nightly patrons.  Jeremy even gave them a beautiful ballet show. It was a treat to all the senses.

Overall, I’d say the weekend was a success, and by success I mean I was successful in breaking my first bone in 28 years. If it wasn’t for a frisbee game of Tips, Jeremy yelling “DIVE JEW!” and my baby pinky toe colliding on the dive with Jeewon’s ankle of steel, I wouldn’t be hobbling right now. All in a weekend’s fun I suppose. Here’s a picture of me in my cast after being forced into it.  It has since been ripped off against doctor’s orders, and toes taped instead of this overcompensating sweat machine. In 3 weeks time I will be good as new. I hope.

Laugh all you want. I look sexy.  Cheers to you, Buddha Babe!

WaWa & SchaeffSchaeff in KoKo

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I just had my 9 month Korean anniversary last Thursday, May 17th. Holy shit! In the 9 months that I could have been with child, I have had 5 visitors, 4 of which hail from the Orient.  Damn I’m popular, especially amongst the Eastern folk. The last most amazing friend in the world to trek their ass across the world for me with a bag full of cheese and other American delicacies was my lil WAWA!!! Her 10 day visit definitely warrants a posting.

I was so freakin excited to see Wawa! I haven’t seen her since I think my birthday last year (I think), but of course we have kept up to speed on all the juicy gossip that’s gone on in our lives in between.  But, I was especially excited for 10 days of good old fashion girl talk, rehashing past relationships, current whatevers, what went wrong and adding further insight to the past, that we’ve since gained in our old age. Oh, and play tour guide of this country that is now my home away from home.  I was a little nervous to play tour guide because the pressure’s on, but it was probably the closest to relaxing yet jam-packed trip possible. Twas awesome.

Wawa and about 10 pounds of candy came to school with me 2 days of the week, so she helped teach and squeeze the cheeks of my 3rd and 4th graders with me and Jin.  My classroom is also on the 6th grade floor, and since she didn’t come to class on days I taught them or 5th graders, they could only get candy if they asked Wanda a question.  Most of them asked the same shit, “What’s your name?” “How old are you?” “Where are you from?” and just dug their dirty hands into the bag of candy, but then they had to actually ask her good questions.  Especially the smart ones. I made them. Some were actually good “Who’s your favorite Hollywood star?” and of course “Do you have a boyfriend? No? Why not?” Our favorite question EVER. Both days that she was here this is what it looked like just outside my classroom.  I had to play zookeeper to a bunch of candy crack babies  a couple times. That was fun.

Wawa is also no longer “solo.” I knew she’d come to Korea and find a boyfriend ASAP. This is her and her new boyfriend Julian. They even dress like a kouple.

Our absolute most favorite day of her trip was our “Day of Culture.”  That day we went shopping in Insadong where we got down to tradition and cried of laughter as we posed in Hanbok. We went to Gyeongbokgung Palace and got a taste of celebrity when some middle schoolers asked to have their picture taken with us, saw the King Sajong statue, ate some bomb tofu and pajeon (Korean seafood “pizza”), drank tea at a lovely little tea house, and went shopping for a fish and live octopus to eat at the Noryangjin fish market. I ate live octopus for my 2nd time. Jesus.

Here’s a video of us eating that octopus.

We also had some very ladylike evenings.  We caught a jazz show at  my favorite location in Seoul, Jazz Story, in Hyehwa, and had a night of vagina at Vato’s Tacos followed by some vagina pops at a Vagina Monologues show.

We went to Gangnam and did what you do in Gangnam. Take glamour shots and hang out with very sophisticated men.

We also hiked, or rather walked 50 million flights of stairs, up to Namsan Tower to lock up our love (next to mine and sista’s) to forever overlook the smoggy sky of Seoul, and found our first epic Geocache.

All in all, it was soooo much fun having my lil Wa here! I’m so happy she came and it’s always nice to have visitors because it gives me a chance to feel like a tourist once again 🙂 Here are a couple other highlights of her trip.

Our new Vietnamese family.

Eating fried potatoes with some new male suitors.

Eating a hot dog wrapped in a pancake.

Swapping manicure secrets.

Shopping with ajummas, her new favorite breed of people.

Schaeff Schaeff loves you WaWa! Now come back soon! Mwah!

Like Mama Like Daughta

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In the entire 28 years I’ve graced this planet I have been with my mom on Mother’s Day, so it’s a bit weird to be in a foreign land on the day you’re supposed to celebrate the greatest woman in your life. In Korea they celebrate Parent’s Day, so I explained to my little after school kids and then again this morning during my bi-weekly morning broadcast, that in America we have separate days for our mother’s and our father’s. I then read them a story called “My Mom” and tried my best to explain that it’s weird to be away from your mom on Mother’s Day. Not sure it translated.

Anywaysssss, Mother’s Day was yesterday in Korea but today in America, so I called Mama Schaeff today. Of course I’m congested, coughing and hacking up all sorts of gross Korean air shit, so she took every opportunity to use that to her advantage and annoy me into coming home early. Again. I was annoyed because I wanted to talk to her but she wouldn’t stop being a mom and telling me that I better get better already and to get my ass home. Of course I get annoyed and snappy and want to hang up every 2 seconds.  Drives me insane, but she’s my mom and I know she just misses me.  In a way the nagging makes me love her even more, especially as I’m getting older.  It still drives me mental, but now I find myself thinking in the back of my mind “she just loves you.” That, and my sister decided to skip out of the country today, so Mama Schaeff is without both daughters (just like she was on her birthday 😦 ). So, in her defense, I understand wanting to pick any fight possible. HA.

Aside from that, I know everyone says their mom is the best mom in the whole wide world.  But really, my mom is.  Joni is  so hip, stylish and with it, up on all the celebrity gossip, has the best taste in clothes and also knows which men are the most attractive. She is also one of the most talented artists I have ever seen, and instilled in me the desire to travel and explore the world from the time I was little Dani Tami.  I can talk to her like a friend and know that she will always listen to me and bash whoever I want to bash right along with me.  And even when it’s not always sunshine and butterflies, because it’s not, I can still find it in me to try and see where she’s coming from, and in the end know that whatever she is upset about, it’s just because she’s being a mom and trying to put me and the siblings Schaeff before her.

Ever since I was in high school I’ve said I always thought I would be the last of my friends to get married because I always wanted to follow in my mom’s footsteps and do all the things she did before gettin hitched and having kiddos. She traveled, painted, dated and did everything in between to make the most of her life before making her life about the 3 of us, and I love her every second of every day for it.  She truly is the BEST.

And let’s not forget where Mama Schaeff got her fabulousness from…none other than her most amazing mother, my Grandma Lucy.  Even though I only knew her for maybe 10 or 11 years, she is someone I will never ever forget.  I think you can see where we get it.

2 Morons Went To A Lady GAGA Concert

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Well, this is for sure going to be the most embarrassing, moronic, completely stupid post I will ever write on this here blog.  Why? you ask.  Plain and simple, Collin and I are morons/pop concert music vets (turned amateur) and expected FAR MORE from a Lady GAGA concert. UGH. Please read on to feel good about yourself and laugh at our dismay.

To begin, I fucking L-O-V-E Lady GAGA and it has been a dream to finally check her off my list of pop divas I’ve seen in concert. Then I found out that she was kicking off her world tour in SEOUL while I’m living here, I thought HOLY SHIT, this will be AMAZEBALLZ. Collin and I scurried to buy tickets  on the crackpot Korean site a couple months ago and I have been bumping Lady GAGA even more than I do on the regz, and that’s a lot. So you can imagine how many subway rides consisted of the Lady bumpin in my ears.

Fast forward to Friday. In between classes I was watching GAGA videos, after classes I was blasting GAGA from the amazing speakers in my classroom.  Left school, headed to Holley’s to get glamorized and drunk for the festivities. I planned my whole outfit to slightly mirror the “Marry the Night” video plus hot pink lipstick. It felt like Halloween 2.0.  Collin was last minute scrambling for fishnets, liquid leggings, caution tape, mini florescent tank tops…anything that would convey GAGA~GAY and that she is the devil by Korean standards.  Here’s me doing his makeup, and then us just sexing up the camera.

This is where the haziness of this night begins. We left Holley’s around 7:45pm maybe (not sure, but I think). Collin changed into Steph’s liquid pleather leggings on the street, and we bolted for the subway.

We got to Olympic Stadium probably around 8:15pm thinking that there was going to be an opening act on the stage so it was fine that we got there a tad after the schedule 8pm show. We heard GAGA songs coming from the stadium, but we just assumed it was a track playing, because that’s what it sounded like, that’s normal for concerts back home before the act goes on, and plus there were so many people just outside the stadium! NEWSFLASH: No opening acts and everything starts promptly per the ticket here in Korea.

Well, we bolt to get inside, and Collin and I lose everyone and start scopin out how we’re gonna sneak down to the front. We find a railing lacking any form of security guard, we hoist ourselves over it and jump to the level below. I got “caught” one of the five times that we did it, mid-strattle, and all the 2 “security guards” said was “No.” and I carried on walking briskly through the lower level. Guess they’re just not used to people not following the rules here in Korea.   Please keep in mind that while this is happening GAGA is in fact on stage performing.  We were just so convinced that it was a cover band because there were zero close ups, it sounded like pure track, her hair looked like GAGA circa 4 years ago, there were 2 catwalks which were not used, most importantly, she was wearing PANTS. AND on top of that, I was expecting a complete madhouse because I’ve always heard that Asian fans are the nuttiest.  But no. they were all literally just standing there with arms crossed.  SEE?!

All signs led to GAGA cover band, because that seems normal for Korea too.  The only thing that made us question our judgement was the occasional time she spoke to the crowd, or rather, yelled FUCK to the crowd.  There were about 6 times that Collin and I stopped in our tracks, stared at each other and said “I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. IS IT HER?!” Meanwhile, I was texting my friend Jeremy who I thought was telling me insider info, that yes, she goes on after the cover band around 11pm.  That got lost in translation because he didn’t realize he was talking to a couple of morons who THOUGHT they were watching a cover band.  He just wanted to find out when people were leaving the concert to go to dirty Hongdae. Erg.

We found a few aisles that we scoped out for “when the concert actually started” where we could post up. So, in short, the entire concert Collin and I were scoping out the perfect place for the concert that was never going to happen because it was already happening. We probably paid attention to max 3 songs. In fact, I can remember the 3 songs we paid attention to ~ Americano, Paparazzi and Just Dance.  We were so set on the fact that we were watching a cover band. During the encore, we were in the concession area taking photos and being annoyed that our phone service wasn’t working so we could tell the rest of our crew to come down and sneak up with us.

After the encore, I asked some Koreans why they were all running/leaving. They looked at me blankly and continued running. Collin and I even ran over to the area that looked like the gateway to the floor so that we could get a prime seat for THE SHOW. We were asked to leave because the “show was over.”

So, that’s the tale of how two GAGA fans were made to look a fool. At least it’s an amazing story.  I still believe that the show was extremely tailored for konservative Korea.  If you didn’t hear, all the super Christians turned to prayer to ask God to prevent the concert from happening in Seoul because Lady GAGA worships the devil and will turn people gay and will make them watch pornography.  Basically, they think she is the spawn of Satan. NEWSFLASH, but your 5th grader probably already watches porn on his Samsung smartphone.

Here is the one photo that Collin and I have of us with Lady GAGA at the concert.  And I believe we said “let’s take a photo with the GAGA cover band behind us.” UGH.

At least I didn’t pay hundos for this concert, otherwise I woulda probably gone and watched some porn, turned gay and killed myself for paying all that money to see Satan’s offspring.

 

안녕하세요!

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That means “hello” in hangul (Korean).  A what up!  Pardon my delay in postings, I’ve been meaning to post for like the last week now but I’ve been busy, so sorrrrry.

To tide you over, I thought I’d post this because I think it’s a pretty quick and easy, and actually quite good guide to learning how to read Korean!  I’m no pro at reading, but I have pretty much taught myself how to read hangul just by riding the subway.  I play a game with myself and sound out the letters and then see if I get it right when the exit pops up in English. So yea, give it a whirl, it’s kinda fun ^^ (that’s a Korean smiley face).

 

A Passover Miracle – Korean Edition

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When I was a wee lass, every Passover Papa Schaeff rented The Ten Commandments with Charleton Heston as Moses.  I looked forward to eating matzah ball soup and latkes from Agoura Deli and watching it every year like a huge nerd, but whatever. I loved it.

SO, imagine the thoughts bolting through my head when I knew I could have my very own chance of seeing a real life sea part before my very eyes…AND ON PASSOVER nonetheless! MIND BLOWN. This is how my little Jewish girl dream of seeing a sea part came true (even if it didn’t look the way Hollywood in the 1960s depicted it).

This past weekend I went down to Jindo in the very south of Korea for a sea parting festival that happens twice a year for about an hour, and goes hand in hand with its own Moses story.

A Jindo village was attacked by tigers and all the villagers ran to Modo island for shelter. All, except for a helpless old woman who was left behind, out of despair she prayed to the Sea God, who split the sea and helped her escape the blood thirsty animals.

I read about it before coming and had it on my list of must-dos, but didn’t realize it was this weekend til my friend Jeremy said he wanted to go.  Of course my little Jew girl excitement hijacked the trip and we made plans and went down therrrrr together with his overactive bladder and a couple other homies. It was an organized tour led by this guy who takes people on hiking trips all over South Korea, so everything was set up as best as this one little man was capable of.

The bus ride down there started at 7:20am and took about 7 hours, AKA lots of sleep time / now needing an elbow in my neck and shoulders.  We got down there probably around 3pm, checked into our pension where we made the wise decision to migrate from the room we initially chose with a bunch of loud-mouthed, underpants-only-wearing people to another room with some Texans and a British lass, and of course our token saucy ginger 4names.

We suited up in these sexy florescent orange fisherman boots to our thighs and made our way to the parting sea en route to the promised land of milk & honey…. in Korea.  There we saw ajummas digging for dinner and all their spawn assisting.  We didn’t see as much sea life and pretty seashells as we thought we would (except for the smiling starfish), but it was still a trip to see water on either side of you, and then watch the tides come in later when we were walking back.  To celebrate before being washed away, we drank some makkoli in the center of the sea and paid our respects to Moses.  It was pretty cool, and quite the Passover miracle if I ever knew one! Don’t think a Jew has literally spent Passover at a parting sea since like, Moses led us out of Egypt. Ch ch check it outskies……

My attempt at finding a walking stick to be truly authentic. Fail.

History is all wrong. We escaped Korea, not Egypt!

Makkoli in the sea.

Jeremy, moi and Heather with the lady, the tiger and some delicious celebratory makkoli.

We also stopped off to see a Jindo dog show and pet some of the gorgeous pups, which are considered a national treasure of Korea.  They are ADORABLE and I wanted to steal all of them.

Aaaaand Spring has hit the South!  We went on a lil hike but mostly basked in the gorgeous sun, on a rock, beside the sea for a few hours. Twas heavenly, and I got some of my sun-kissed glow back.  I think this fool got burnt tho.

All in all, I think I’ve begun satisfying my get-out-of-Seoul-and-explore-Korea-now goal quite swimmingly.