Well, this is for sure going to be the most embarrassing, moronic, completely stupid post I will ever write on this here blog.  Why? you ask.  Plain and simple, Collin and I are morons/pop concert music vets (turned amateur) and expected FAR MORE from a Lady GAGA concert. UGH. Please read on to feel good about yourself and laugh at our dismay.

To begin, I fucking L-O-V-E Lady GAGA and it has been a dream to finally check her off my list of pop divas I’ve seen in concert. Then I found out that she was kicking off her world tour in SEOUL while I’m living here, I thought HOLY SHIT, this will be AMAZEBALLZ. Collin and I scurried to buy tickets  on the crackpot Korean site a couple months ago and I have been bumping Lady GAGA even more than I do on the regz, and that’s a lot. So you can imagine how many subway rides consisted of the Lady bumpin in my ears.

Fast forward to Friday. In between classes I was watching GAGA videos, after classes I was blasting GAGA from the amazing speakers in my classroom.  Left school, headed to Holley’s to get glamorized and drunk for the festivities. I planned my whole outfit to slightly mirror the “Marry the Night” video plus hot pink lipstick. It felt like Halloween 2.0.  Collin was last minute scrambling for fishnets, liquid leggings, caution tape, mini florescent tank tops…anything that would convey GAGA~GAY and that she is the devil by Korean standards.  Here’s me doing his makeup, and then us just sexing up the camera.

This is where the haziness of this night begins. We left Holley’s around 7:45pm maybe (not sure, but I think). Collin changed into Steph’s liquid pleather leggings on the street, and we bolted for the subway.

We got to Olympic Stadium probably around 8:15pm thinking that there was going to be an opening act on the stage so it was fine that we got there a tad after the schedule 8pm show. We heard GAGA songs coming from the stadium, but we just assumed it was a track playing, because that’s what it sounded like, that’s normal for concerts back home before the act goes on, and plus there were so many people just outside the stadium! NEWSFLASH: No opening acts and everything starts promptly per the ticket here in Korea.

Well, we bolt to get inside, and Collin and I lose everyone and start scopin out how we’re gonna sneak down to the front. We find a railing lacking any form of security guard, we hoist ourselves over it and jump to the level below. I got “caught” one of the five times that we did it, mid-strattle, and all the 2 “security guards” said was “No.” and I carried on walking briskly through the lower level. Guess they’re just not used to people not following the rules here in Korea.   Please keep in mind that while this is happening GAGA is in fact on stage performing.  We were just so convinced that it was a cover band because there were zero close ups, it sounded like pure track, her hair looked like GAGA circa 4 years ago, there were 2 catwalks which were not used, most importantly, she was wearing PANTS. AND on top of that, I was expecting a complete madhouse because I’ve always heard that Asian fans are the nuttiest.  But no. they were all literally just standing there with arms crossed.  SEE?!

All signs led to GAGA cover band, because that seems normal for Korea too.  The only thing that made us question our judgement was the occasional time she spoke to the crowd, or rather, yelled FUCK to the crowd.  There were about 6 times that Collin and I stopped in our tracks, stared at each other and said “I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. IS IT HER?!” Meanwhile, I was texting my friend Jeremy who I thought was telling me insider info, that yes, she goes on after the cover band around 11pm.  That got lost in translation because he didn’t realize he was talking to a couple of morons who THOUGHT they were watching a cover band.  He just wanted to find out when people were leaving the concert to go to dirty Hongdae. Erg.

We found a few aisles that we scoped out for “when the concert actually started” where we could post up. So, in short, the entire concert Collin and I were scoping out the perfect place for the concert that was never going to happen because it was already happening. We probably paid attention to max 3 songs. In fact, I can remember the 3 songs we paid attention to ~ Americano, Paparazzi and Just Dance.  We were so set on the fact that we were watching a cover band. During the encore, we were in the concession area taking photos and being annoyed that our phone service wasn’t working so we could tell the rest of our crew to come down and sneak up with us.

After the encore, I asked some Koreans why they were all running/leaving. They looked at me blankly and continued running. Collin and I even ran over to the area that looked like the gateway to the floor so that we could get a prime seat for THE SHOW. We were asked to leave because the “show was over.”

So, that’s the tale of how two GAGA fans were made to look a fool. At least it’s an amazing story.  I still believe that the show was extremely tailored for konservative Korea.  If you didn’t hear, all the super Christians turned to prayer to ask God to prevent the concert from happening in Seoul because Lady GAGA worships the devil and will turn people gay and will make them watch pornography.  Basically, they think she is the spawn of Satan. NEWSFLASH, but your 5th grader probably already watches porn on his Samsung smartphone.

Here is the one photo that Collin and I have of us with Lady GAGA at the concert.  And I believe we said “let’s take a photo with the GAGA cover band behind us.” UGH.

At least I didn’t pay hundos for this concert, otherwise I woulda probably gone and watched some porn, turned gay and killed myself for paying all that money to see Satan’s offspring.