My Quest To Rock The Eye Chart

March 23, 2013June 1, 20131 Comment

I still remember the first pair of spectacles I ever owned. I was in 2nd grade and they were a very stylish plastic girly frame fading from magenta to purple to a deep blue. It was pretty much love at first “ok, if I really have to wear them.” We bought them in the shopping center in Agoura where Subway and TJ Maxx are. I swear I have the most freakishly weird memory for odd detail. I had those for a second, then I graduated to these brown and black speckled gems, which I believe I really should have kept because I could have rocked them all these years later, but of course looked (and posed) a whole lot cooler.

Then in 4th grade Mama Schaeff forced me to go to Eye Therapy so that I could start wearing hard contact lenses and stop imitating my dad putting his own contacts in with my own piece of very thin ice…(there goes my memory again). I HATED Eye Therapy, but I think in some odd way it made me develop a bizarre love for going to the eye doctor. So, then in 4th grade I was forced each morning to pop my hard contacts into my eyeballs even though they felt really weird, and then pop them out of my eyeballs with this tiny plunger because I was too young to figure out how to do it with my own two fingers. This is what I looked like every night, minus the fancy nail polish, and i bit my nails back then:

Then I grew up a little and decided I wanted my eyes to be different colors, and those colors only came in soft contacts. So I had blue eyes and really green eyes, and then my eyes got fucked, for lack of a better word. Those contacts were really bad, especially when worn for too long. They’re not specifically shaped to your eye and then the printing that goes onto the lenses is also not very good. In mid 2006 my eyes started getting really red all the time, probably because I would get drunk and pass out in my contacts, but then it would just never go away, and then it got worse. It was to the point where I could barely see when I would drive and even looking at the computer would hurt my eyes and they’d water uncontrollably. Most of you know the long story, but after countless optometrists, ophthalmologists, eyedrops and months, I had Keratitis, or a really bad bacterial infection, thus resulting in the spectacles that are now part of my essence.

It actually took me a while to get used to having to wear them all. the. time. I hated having something covering my face, it felt ugly and like people couldn’t see ME. Then it just flipped and they became a part of me, and before long I felt weird without them. Now I’m pretty much at the point where I feel normal with or without them, but very much “Danielle” with my spectacles.

HOWEVER…….

Now that I’m in Korea I have decided to get laser eye surgery, something I have always had in the back of my head because, well, why not? But, I’ve always envisioned it as something out of reach because in the States it’s so expensive, the charge is per eye, and my eyes have been through the ringer and back. Korea, on the contrary, offers the surgery for a flat rate and for even less than half the cost I’d pay back home. At home I would probably be looking at paying anywhere between $5,000-$7,000 total for both eyes with my vision, astigmatism and myopia, whereas in Korea I’m going to be looking at around $1,300. Many of you are probably thinking “UMM Danielle, is it safe????? Don’t DO THAT.” But it is. Korea is LEGIT. It is a 1st world country, and is actually a major surgery destination in the world. Many people come here specifically to have any number of surgeries done because it is so highly regarded and so frequently practiced with top notch doctors and results. So not to worry. I have also been on three different consultations to weigh all my options.

Now for a brief overview of the three consultations I went on for anyone else who reads this on their quest to reading eye charts perfectly.

**All consults took about 2 hours and go through an assembly line of different machines to check everything about your eyes.

CONSULTATION 1: DREAM EYE CENTER (www.hellolasik.com/eng_site/)

Dream caters to foreigners, so it was the first place that I went to. My friend Casey went there last year for a consultation but never actually got the surgery because he was scared after being told his myopia (steepness of cornea) was too high. Turns out mine is even higher! The optometrist who helped me was wonderful, super sweet, spoke perfect English and explained everything she was doing the entire time. It was very informative, so when I met with the doctor I felt like I had a good idea of what to expect. I also really liked the doctor. He told me that since my cornea is very thin, my astigmatism is super high, my myopia is very steep (not the steepest he’s seen, but still pretty steep), and my eyes are extremely dry, I’d have to have LASEK instead of LASIK done, which has a more painful and longer recovery time, but with less chance of complication. He was also very honest and said that about 10% of people with my eye condition do sometimes regress in their vision after surgery, so there is a chance that my vision won’t stick to 20/20 afterwards. It wouldn’t go back to my current vision, just wouldn’t be 20/20. Also, given the thinness of my cornea, he said I would only be able to have the surgery once, without any chance of a touch-up surgery if I were to regress. After surgery, they would also make an eye serum from my blood that would help with the pain. They also take a DNA swap prior to surgery to test for a gene that would make the surgery ineffective.

In the end, they quoted me at 1.8million won, and that’s down from 2.2million won for having a referral and if I write a testimonial. I told them that I was going to sit on it and think because I wanted to weigh my options given the percentage for regression after surgery. So I left with a pamphlet with all my eye info to look over in a neat packet.

CONSULTATION 2: BRIGHT EYES ST. MARY’S (http://www.oklasik.com)

I read about this place on a few blogs so I made an appointment, but I’m not going to say much about this place because I couldn’t stand them. I felt extremely rushed, and about the only redeeming quality about them was the girl Chloe who was the English translator, and the prescription they wrote me for the artificial tears and special ointment I’d need to take for the scars that are on my cornea. I knew I had to do this already so I took the prescription in preparation for my third consultation so I had a head start. The optometrist got all huffy with me when I couldn’t accurately read the eye charts, and she was extremely short with me. I basically got shoved into the doctor’s chair without even a hello, and then quickly ushered out without a goodbye. I attributed it to the language barrier, but I think most doctors have a basic knowledge of English, especially one working in such an affluent area as Gangnam, so a hello and goodbye would have been nice. Then it was a back and forth between nurses who could mime things to me until Chloe came because they realized I actually had questions pertaining to a surgery. Duh.

I ended up leaving with a prescription for the artificial tears, ointment and a follow-up appointment that I intended on cancelling. They didn’t give me any neat pamphlet with my eye results like Dream did, and I didn’t know who my doctor would be. They ended up quoting me at 1.5million won.

CONSULTATION 3: GANGNAM ST. MARY’S (http://www.perfectvision.co.kr)

This was by far my favorite of the three, and I don’t think it was because it was the final one I went to. I was referred by my friends Jeremy and 4names who both had their eyes done a while back with sparkling results. I made the appointment with the English speaking girl who works there named Yunmi, and she was SO accommodating and helpful. The first time I had actually called and they only spoke Korean so they had her call me back even though she wasn’t working, so when she called I was super confused how she had my number, but then it clicked. Anyways, I went in today, and right when I walked in she greeted me through the bustling waiting room and helped me fill out the medical form. I then had an English speaking optometrist who did the most thorough eye exam of all three that I had been on. I had told them about my previous Keratitis and they had the doctor check my eyes before they took the special measurement of my pupil to make sure I was bacteria free before moving forward. None of the others did that even though I had told them my history. After all the tests were over I met with the doctor again and also told him about the prescription I had begun taking. He advised me to keep taking it, and take the ointment 2x a day instead of once because if the scars on my corneas don’t go away then I can’t have the surgery. He also told me that I have about a 5% chance of regression if I have the surgery, and there is a possibility for a second surgery if regression does happen. He broke down the numbers right in front of me too which was very reassuring. Told me the thickness of my cornea, how much they take away, what it will be after, and so on. So I made a follow-up appointment for Thursday to check my scars and hope for a big fat YES YOU CAN HAVE SURGERY.

They ended up quoting me at 1.7million won if I have the surgery in April or 1.5million won if I have it done in March, but I’m hoping they give me the 1.5 deal even if I have it in April because I came with the referrals and both friends got it done at 1.5 or 1.4. They also offer a payment plan broken up into 3 months which will help out tremendously.

In sum, it’s not a 100% go YET, but I’m going to be extremely anal in dropping those artificial tears and applying the ointment because I would love to be able to see the world for the first time through crystal clear perfect eyeballs. I can’t even remember a time when I could see clearly, so eye surgery is still impossible for me to even fathom, but it’s getting there.

Cross your fingers, toes and eyes for me pretty please with a big fat cherry on top with sprinkles! More to obviously come on this at a later date!

Six Months Shmix Months

March 19, 2013June 1, 20133 Comments

With my 2nd contract winding down, I have just under 6 months left of my time living in my home away from home in this lovely little nook under that big nuke up north. Just as a heads up, all is fine and dandy over here, life carries on like normal and I guarantee that the American media blows up everything far bigger than it even feels while living about 1.5 hours south of that big scary border.

I’ve been doing a bit of pondering lately about the things I’m going to miss about Korea and here are some things I threw together quickly over the last couple days. Maybe this will persuade some of you to get your tuchous’ over here just under the wire 😉

Kimchi. I went like three days without it at school, I don’t even remember why because there is never a shortage of kimchi, but I was really depressed without it in my life for those three days. Hard to believe I was scared to try it for the whole first week I was here.
Instant built in friends. Coming with EPIK/SMOE made building a network and getting oriented like it ain’t no thang. We had the chance to meet a crapton of people at a week-long orientation, and from there got to weed through the masses weekend after weekend at Hongdae Park and Zen 1 until we managed to find the ones who clicked with our own brand of weird. From that crop some pretty spectacular people sprang 🙂
What’s anxiety? Yea, until about oh, the past week, I haven’t felt that for the past year and a half. Now I need to think about life after Korea and the happysadanxious feelings are once again having their reign.
THE KIDS. Oh the kidssss. I don’t think I have seen cuter kids on the face of this here planet than Korean kids. I shit you not they are the most adorable babies ever. Until they are in about 6th grade. Then they suck.
Playing the dumb foreigner card always has its perks. Lots of get out of free cards, not having to listen in meetings (even though I still don’t know why I have to attend them), and also having no one to report to or check in on me….ever.
Going to the doctor is mere pennies. Back at home I never went to the doctor until I was practically dead and my mom was twisting my arm to go, because I couldn’t afford it and had no health insurance. Here, it costs ~$3 to see the doctor and then ~$4-7 for meds. Ka-ching! Slight cough and I’m all about Dr. Kim or Lee or Kwon or Oh.
Seoul has the best subway system, hands down. The buses aren’t bad either, except for the kimchi fart rubber smell on occasion. But that’s everywhere.
Incheon Airport. Praise all things holy and glorious. I love this airport so much I could marry it.
Kimbap triangles, namely the tuna kimchi ones. Best snack on the go. It’s basically a triangle of rice with kimchi and tuna in the center and wrapped in seaweed and you have to unwrap the fancy wrapping correctly or you mess the seaweed up.
Everything is convenient. Ripped your tights? Need some flats? Forgot your eyeliner? Oh, right this way. You hungry? Everything is always at your fingertips. Even a double eyelid (surgery OR tape).
“Marting” the art of sitting on the sidewalk in front of 7-11 or GS25 on plastic lawn furniture and drinking makkoli, soju or mekju (beer) while enjoying some fine people watching and conversation.
Which brings me to my next point. Makkoli. Sweet sweet makkoli. My beverage of choice in Korea. This delicious milky fizzy rice wine is found in the marts in a green or white bottle, or served in makkoli bars out of a kettle or bowl with ladel, with bowls for drinking. My personal fave is to add strawberry or melon ice cream to it. Nom.
Noraebang. I regret to admit that it took me a year to discover my favorite Korean hobby, and I had to go to Japan to figure it out. Norae (sing), bang (room)….essentially a singing room where you go with any number of friends and just sing to your wildest heart’s content. Disney is my personal fave.
Multibang. Basically consists of noraebang, PC bang, DVD bang and Wii. I went here on a couple dates and they were the best dates I have ever been on. SO MUCH FUN. Many Korean couples also go to these for some privacy, ifyaknowhatimsayin.
That awkward feeling of being stared at, even by the baby who is barely two, yet also feeling like a celebrity at the same time because you obviously look different and even the baby can tell something is off about you. But it’s cool.
Rice. Though I can surely live without it, I will miss it. Damn you bap!
Hearing “nice to meet you” everyday for two years straight by the same kid. Groundhog day all day, e’er day.
SO much nail polish!
OH THE SHOPPING! It’s freakin everywhere!
The cafe culture. There are just so many adorable cafes all over Seoul.
Reading Hangul (the Korean alphabet). It’s like a puzzle to me. I feel like my brain is always working since I’m always reading everything around me trying to see if I can understand it. Definitely gonna miss this big time.
ONDOL. Sweet beautiful heated floors how I will miss lying on you so.
Daiso. It’s this amazing dollar store where everything is essentially between 1,000~5,000won. I always want to buy everything.
Deli Manjoo, which are these custard filled little cake bites, which I actually recently found out are actually not even bad for you because apparently they are made from something called “wellbeing flour” whatever the heck that is. But apparently it’s not bad for you. THEY ARE SO YUMMY. Someone correct me if I had selective hearing on that one….
Everything is too cute. I had to succumb to the Hello Kitty bling bling iPhone case, duh.
The fastest internet on the planet, even if I have to be hooked up to an ethernet chord in my apartment. Oh, and wifi is literally everywhere. Even on the subway. You are never without connection in Korea.
Korean food is so bomb. Especially the soups. Especially Mul Naengmyeon in summer (buckwheat noodles in an icy beef broth with julienned pears and cucumbers and a hard boiled egg, served with lots of dijon mustard and vinegar to taste).
My personal fave….the what I like to call “just click print” shirts.
Anytime I say “hi” or “thank you” in Korean to a Korean they are always impressed and think my Korean is amazing, as if I came to Korea yesterday.
Over abundance of cute socks, and Obama socks.
The Korean cartoon song from the 90s that plays every morning on the school speakers. I love it and have no clue what it’s about! Jin actually told me it is the theme song from her favorite cartoon when she was little!
I will be getting my eyes lasered for less than triple the cost I would pay to get it done in the states. YAY SURGERY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! More to come about THIS process in a later post….something which has been added to my anxiety!

I’m sure there are plenty more that I am surely forgetting, but for now these are some of the things that I am going to miss tremendously about Korea. The next six months are going to fly by and I’m already starting to get anxious about it, and not in a good way. Never in a million years did I think i would fall in love with the weirdest country on the planet and call it my second home. I’m sure I’ll add to this as time winds down, so keep your eyes peeled. Oh, and a post of Thailand and Laos to come soon, sorry I’ve just been supa busy as a bee!!

ANYEONG!

Party In The USA!

February 12, 2013June 1, 20134 Comments

So far 2012 was my favorite year to date, but it kind of ended with a little bit of a thud for me, so naturally the thought of fleeing the country for a couple glorious weeks was well received. And what better distraction than 2 weeks stateside with family, friendzies, puppies, beach and lots and lots of cheese. Nothing that I can think of.

Breathable air, a handsome black man displayed under the “Welcome to the United States of America” sign, and a fat screaming black woman ushering American Airlines passengers to their connections were the first three WELCOME BACK TO AMERICA’s that I got. Then came Mama Schaeff surprising me from behind at the curb, the puppy kisses from Presley, the “Why did you leave me?” ‘I’m mad at you’ stares from Cilla, and the jumping around the car hugs with sista!! Only to be followed up with the greatest welcome home surprise party ever! Not only was there Porto’s and mimosas, but there was Wawa, Brianne, Kendra, MayMay, Jeanelly, Joel, Justin and the whole fambam. Ahhhhh it felt good to be back in the greatest country in the world!!!

Seeing as this was my first time back in the states in nearly 1.5 years, I was totally eager to see what super weird Korean things I was gonna carry back with me. To my surprise, I don’t think there were too too many. My stomach definitely shrunk and I could only eat about half the portion that I could before making kimchi a daily staple in my life. Jacquie told me I talk way more with my hands, but I also talked like a freakin Italian before I left anyways, but I guess it became a little more dramatic. But I like dramatic, so hmpf! The big thing for me was the shoes in the house thing. I obviously don’t care about wearing shoes in the house while I’m home, but since living in these parts I keep an almost completely Korean household with regards to outer footwear on my precious floors. Except for when I forget something and my shoes are already on. Then I wear my shoes in the house. Screw crawling across the floor, no time for that. I’m walking. Swiffer that shit later. However, when I arrived at my surprise party, the first thing I did (after hugging everyone that was there and complimenting them all on their great boots), was say how I needed to take my boots off because it felt weird to walk inside with my shoes on. Here I am sitting with May May wearing her boots, and me wearing my jazzy socks, and my suitcase throwing up beside me.

The whole time that I was home I was constantly moving, with the exception of my first Sunday home where I slept straight through the night and day until 5:30pm. Heyo jet lag! I’ll take a quick lil wander through the highlights of my trip and all of the beautiful faces I saw and glutinous cuisine I stuffed my face with.

The first thing I did after resting my peepers from a day of travel, was head up to Santa Barbara for some Mexican food and a night out with the Fab 4 and sista! It was May’s little sister’s 21st birthday, so the alumni came back to show her how it’s done (or tried to). In the end, we realized that in our old age we just can’t hang quite like we used to.

Nomz.

Kamikazi shots at Sandbar. Where’s the Cassie song?

Jonesy and sista also sang their own interpretation of Rihanna’s “Diamond.” Give your ears a treat, will you?

Sista and I had a wondrous dinner at Lala’s in Weho with the two handsome brothas Dicecca, followed by Koreanizing Michael Claudio and showing them my Korean hangul (alphabet) skills. They were easily impressed with my enhanced Asian genes.

The next day (a bit delayed), came the cream of the fatass crop. I finally stepped foot into an In N Out establishment, and it was even better than it tastes in my dreams.

Moving onto other excruciatingly delicious things, let me introduce you to the latest pledge to the FRAT house, the gorgeous lil Georgia Jeanne!

And another gorgeous human modeling his new PSY socks. ❤ Chizzy!

The next day, Jessie and I helped MayMay celebrate her 29th birthday over heaping bowls of Pho Tai. All things very nom. I was so happy when the little Vietnamese workers remembered me and asked where I’ve been! They were quite shocked when I told them I lived in Korea now, but very happy when I told them I’d visited their country on my travels.

Then came Friday, MLK weekend, and the arrival of some of the best friends on the planet!!! Bret, Kayla, Jeanette and Priya all flew in from San Jose and NYC for my birthday weekend, and I must say, that was the best gift I could ever ask for! The weekend was one of the best I’ve had in a really long time. Absence definitely made the heart grow fonder, and it was so unbelievable to know that even though almost 2 years had gone by since we’d all seen each other, we just picked up right where we left off. It’s so lovely to get older and know that your friends are still so close to your heart no matter all the distance or time between.

My birthday party was on Saturday January 19th at Bodega in Santa Monica, and I could not have asked for a better turn out! People that I honestly thought were not going to show, showed up, even if only for a quick hug and a smooch on the cheek. I originally didn’t even want to come home for a visit (sorry), but everyone really made it 150% worth it, and I’m so glad I came 🙂 So, here’s a gander at some of my fave moments as I rang in the last year of my 20s.

Perhaps the favorite, most unexpected of the night was this wonderful guy. Twas so amazing to see Nicholas.

Brotha was VERY excited to see Nick, and of course talk the sports.

Siblings Schaeff and one Ho-el.

The Agoura+ shot. We finally got it good, then Brotha did that!

TAYLOR LAUTNER CAME! JK. But my favorite New Zealander and vulgar conversationalist came. I freakin love you, Alavi!

Baller & Whore, but he doesn’t call me that anymore because I am a lady. BFFFFFFFFFFFFF4lyfe ❤

The 1, the only, the FAB 4.

My beauties clappin somethin out.

YES.YES.YES. Happiness embodied.

SBeezy in the Heezy!!!

Good girl’s gotta get down wit the gangsta! Love our T$!

Bromance and a princess of mine. My favorite part of this photo is Rami wearing Bretty’s sweater. True LOVE.

The ladies of LALA who made my 20s the most unforgettable ❤

Salmon pants and a sassy Asian. Can’t ask for more!

My favorite intern ever!!!!!!!! And also just one of my favorite human beings ever.

I can always count on this pretty lady to show up to a coming or going party. God bless our crazy ex-bosses dysfunctional relationship because we had the chance to meet each other ❤

Here was a nice little cherry on top, minus the poor lighting. I love all you guys!

The next day was my actual birthday. The day began as LA as you can get. Cruising down Wilshire Blvd. in Danni’s Audi convertible, getting green smoothies, rubbing elbows with one Sofia Vergara, and then popping off to an afternoon of brunching, bouncing around a baby Georgiecakes, and planting our butts in the warm Venice beach sand. It was by far the best most beautiful birthday I have ever had. Thanks guys 🙂

Sorry Fran and Nick, we are stealing your child. Meet Mr. & Mrs. Schaeffenchiz and our baby girl Laverne.

What a beautiful lesbian family you guys make.

Awkward poses with baby props.

Multicultural family.

Ok, real mom and her real baby.

My trip revolved around lots of important people’s birthdays, and on Tuesday was Mama Schaeff’s birthday! Jacquie and I took her out for a nomtastic dinner, and this is the video I took of her enjoying her chocolate cake and strawberry a little more than anticipated!

On my last day in the land of LA, sista and I went to visit our cousin Danny and his dazzling girlfriend, Nicole, at their boutique, Clover, in Silverlake (cloversilverlake.com). It was sooo nice to see them and see what they have done to the store. If you live in the area you definitely have to go! We caught up on life, travels, work, family and also took many unflattering photos along the way. Here’s the cutest one, where we cut out Danny’s 10 chins.

When it really clicked that I was going back to Korea it was a little bittersweet. I think the two weeks was the perfect amount of time to be home, because by the end I was definitely ready to return and pop off to somewhere in the orient. My last night was a little weird, but I think that’s because it was setting in for everyone that I was leaving again for who knows how long. As I packed up my 62 lb bag, Cilla laid at the edge of the bed just staring at me, like she knew I was leaving and she was prepared to be mad at me for another year 😦 I definitely miss those babyloves maybe more than anything ❤

My flight was the next morning bright and early, and I was pissed because my mom didn’t come to the airport with me. She knows very well!!!! So this time I left back to Korea with tears AGAIN. Drastically (DRASTICALLY) less than the first time, but tears nonetheless. Jacquie was sick, so she got a get out of jail free card, so I was off to the airport with Papa and Brotha Schaeff. I of course had my standard airport anxiety, on top of a stupidly heavy load of luggage that my dad was shlepping around for me. I always get bitchy when I’m stressed, so I felt a bit bad for how I was acting right before I left. Nonetheless, here is the last known photo of father, daughter and son before I escaped to the Orient yet again.

All in all, a trip home was so necessary. I really needed to get out of Korea and see the faces of the ones I love so much at home, and get a little perspective, because some things over here hit the fan before I left. So, to everyone who made my trip home unbelievable, many many many times one million thank yous!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Last but not least, there were of course those things that popped out to me as either things I felt differently about or did differently since returning home. Perhaps the biggest that I noticed was something more than just things I say or do. Obviously most people in the world do not chose to go live in a country other than their own at their own accord, or travel the world for more than a few weeks at a time. So, already that is a huge thing that has set me apart from the people that I associate with home. While everyone at home will always be that part of me that no one else will ever be able to fully know, let me put this bluntly, I almost felt like I didn’t entirely belong anymore. It’s not as bad as it sounds. I just think that I have wanted to live abroad for SO DAMN LONG, and now that it’s finally happened and been in motion, and I’ve been surrounded by others who have picked up and moved their lives across the globe as well, this side of me that never got the chance to completely flourish has finally found its way out and found others who are passionate about the same thing in the same capacity. It was most apparent to me during times when catching up about relationships and jobs, and times when everyone would ask me where I’ve been, and where I’m going next. It’s like people were fascinated with what I’ve seen and where I’ve gone, but at the same time wondering when I’d be back in the states and what did I plan to do once this “vacation” was over. I couldn’t even put a pin on what the emotion was that I was feeling the whole time until a friend who had lived abroad some years ago, asked me how it felt to be home. I couldn’t really explain it, and then she said the words “you don’t feel like you fit in anymore, do you?” Ding ding. Life’s funny.

So yea, sorry to end on a weird note. I’m sure I will be back home by the end of the year, but only for a minute 😉 Being home felt amazing, but being abroad and traveling the world feels more amazing to me. Life is just crazy and I feel like everything is happening so fast these days. But if there’s one thing I am so freakin thankful for, it’s all of you fine folks that I will always call home 🙂

LOVE YOU ALLLLLLZ (and come visit me) ❤

A Pupu Platter Of 2012 Whathaveyous

January 2, 2013June 1, 20133 Comments

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Wow, another year has come and gone, and I must say, 2012 was my favorite year of my almost-29 years gracing this planet. So much that I had always dreamt of in years past same to fruition this year, and I can honestly say I am in the best place I have ever been in my life. And it feels damn good 😉

I had made the resolution in 2011 that by the end of the year I would be living a life abroad ~ check. In 2012 I promised myself I would do absolutely as much traveling of Asia as possible. I came to Korea to conquer this continent like a blaze of fire, and in looking back I can say I did just that. Along with the travel resolutions, I really put my best foot forward to work on getting what I really want, and making that start from within. I try my best to communicate what I want, but a lot of time it fails when walls get put up, or life just gets in the way. So, I’ve really tried to be as self-aware as possible just be the best version of myself and hope that it brings with it what I truly want. That being said, 2012 has definitely been the happiest and most honest year to date 🙂

Now I’m just gonna throw together a few highlights from each month of 2012. Badabing herrrrrr goes!

I began the year on the beach in Koh Phangan, covered in florescent body paint and drinking liquor by the buckets with one of my dearest and oldest friends on the planet ~ my fave biatch and sista from anotha mista, Miz Diamond ❤

January marked my first birthday to be celebrated away from everyone I’ve always shared my (obviously) favorite holiday with. I felt a little down about it, then in flew a gift from THE BEST sista ever ~ Sista Schaeff in the flesh, in Korea!

On her last night here, she snuggled my foot to sleep. BY CHOICE! ❤

In February I visited two of my favorite countries so far ~ Vietnam and Cambodia. I saw some of the most beautiful snorkeling waters, caught my first fish, shot my first gun, ate a bowl of pho a day, wondered why they allow Americans in, and saw my life flash before me about 1million times while in ‘Nam.

In Cambodia I visited the most breathtaking temples I have ever seen, spent an afternoon with beautiful children in an orphanage on the river, saw insurmountable beauties in some of the deepest poverty stricken eyes, and struggled to hold back tears while walking through a living history at the Killing Fields and S-21 genocide museum remnants from the Khmer Rouge of the 70s~80s.

In March I visited the happiest place on earth, AKA the DMZ, for the second time. This time we rode bikes along the most intensely guarded border in the world, all while Obama paid the peninsula a visit and peered over to the North with us.

April means Passover, which also means the sea parts in Korea. I made the trek down south with a homie and we met Moses, crossed the parted sea and drank makkoli while doing so, obvi.

Later in April, my favorite story to date came to be. A couple morons went to a Lady GaGa concert. They got all gussied up in the hottest of pink and the tightest of attire, only to miss the whole thing whilst trying to attain the most coveted seats in the house during the “GaGa cover band”…. *face palm* At least we looked sexy.

In May, Wawa came for a visit. We did many things, but by far our favorite day was our “Day of Culture.” We visited Gyeongbukgong Palace, learned about the creation of Hangul (the Korean alphabet), ate a traditional lunch, drank tea in a lovely tea house, dressed up and cracked up in Hanbok (traditional Korean dress), and wrapped up with a journey to the Noryangjin Fish Market. Twas a wondrous day!

Then came June, and Buddha’s birthday. A crew of us high-tailed out of Seoul to Gangneung, a little beach town on the East Sea. There were makkoli and soju spurred chicken fights, sexy man-wrestles, toasty bonfires, crashing of high class fancy Korean booking clubs and frisbee games resulting in broken pinky toes and racial slurs. The Buddhaman had an awesome birthday!!

Then came July and two events which could be classified as the greatest events of the century. One more than the other, but one got more hype than the other according to the Facebook. You can use your own judgement on that one. One required us to dress to the nines to bid adieu to all the homies we grew to call family, and also the ones we grew apart from because a lot of people that came with us were weirdos, let’s face it. The other required some prior temple-sculpting, lots and lots and lots of soju, mudmudmud and practically no clothes. Mud Fest was by far my favorite event of 2012. Shit was CRAY TO THE MAX!

August was the most bittersweet month of the year I’d say. It was sweet because I took a 2.5 week summer jaunt on over to the Philippines with my lovely lass from home, Brianne. We saw some of the most picturesque islands, snorkeled and ate our faces off, hiked miles in our little warrior Havaianas, posed with stalagtites, missed the whale sharks, got in a fist fight with a very mean typhoon, and let tempers fly with shitty budget airlines.

August was bitter because our contracts ended and some left KoKo and I had to face the harsh reality that the world as I knew it was shattering before me. Well, that’s an over-dramatization, but that’s how it felt at the time dammit. I also got thrown into my deathbed by some plague I contracted in the Philippines. So, not only were my friends leaving, but I was deathly ill and partying with an IV in the hospital, unable to hand out proper goodbye hugs. NOT COOL WORLD.

Then on rolled September. Grabbing my bearings on who was still left in my Seoul-cial circle happened naturally. I got back in the go-out mode (at least for the time being), and some friendships from the previous year had the chance to blossom. Late in the month for Chuseok holiday, a group of us gals decided to pop off to Osaka and Kyoto, Japan with boy toy Joshy. We frolicked by bicycle all over Kyoto, made the most of the typhoon stricken city by stuffing our faces with enough sushi and sake to fuel an army, and tore up (literally) a karaoke room. Best weekend ever!!!

October was of course Halloween, and we got down with our bad selves…and Bob the Builder.

In November I actually had a REAL Thanksgiving, none of that Pho shit (pardon me, it’s just not suitable cuisine for Thanksgiving). Josh Rich was also in town as my 6th visitor to the Orient. A Happy Happy Turkey Day it was!

And last but not least, I think the winner for best December event goes to my dance crew’s (WORD TO YO MAMA’S HIGH WAISTED JEANS) epic ass kicking in the 90s dance battle for the African kids. Real winners put in the effort, and effort we put in. Obviously you would know this had you been at our latke-rehearsal party, our cheese and crackers rehearsal party where Matty ripped his jeans, and our final rehearsal party that almost interfered with us attending the actual party because we were too focused on perfecting our dance. What a BOMB DIGGITY way send out 2012!!!

As you can see, 2012 was quite the year, and it’s been a pleasure looking back on it with you. Here’s to an even better 2013, and going home to America in 10 days!!!!!!!

PEACE & CHICKEN GREASE, HOMIEZ.

I Came, I Fell, I Conquered

December 27, 2012June 1, 20134 Comments

I know I’ve been a complete slack of a human being on the blog front as of late. I keep telling myself to post about the recent happs, but then life gets the best of me. In my defense, I’ve been a bit preoccupied with all the visitors I’ve had here in the KoKo. I’ve been top of the pops lately if you hadn’t heard. In the past 2 months I’ve had 3 visitors to Korea: Jeff Davidson, one of my ATO homies from the good ‘ol SBeezy days, Josh “Gay” Rich, my old Santa Barbara neighbor and favorite non-homosexual gay person, and lastly, my long-awaited, MUCH anticipated visitor, Adam Allegro, photographer extraordinaire (http://catchthejiffy.com). It’s been awesome, and that brings my visitor count to 7 in the last 16 months. Who’s next?!?!

To catch you up, because I’m sure Facebook doesn’t do that for you, I’ll show you some highlights from the past 3 months. It’s a bit of a time traveling experience, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

The first highlight after Japan was Halloween. Halloween is my favorite holiday, and last year it was a sour disappointment, despite my amazing costume. However, the company I shared it with this year more than made up for last year. I got creative while exploring the world wide web and decided to go as a Roy Lichtenstein 1960s pop art lady (in case the uncultured folk out there are confused and just think I had really bad acne for the evening).

I kicked it with some saucy Japanese schoolgirls.

Had my “damsel in distress” moment when I got rescued by Spiderman in a seedy alleyway in HBC.

Then I went on to get down with Andre Agassi’s zombie circa 1990.

A couple weeks later me and a bunch of Koreans decided to hit up a 1960s/Andy Warhol shindig. Here’s me and Jee shmoozing with Mr. Warhol about being in one of his next films.

Then we just got sexy with some spectacular wall art.

Then I had an unexpected 5th visitor when Jeff popped over from Singapore for a few days on business. Here’s us drinking somak (soju and beer combo) at Noryangjin fish market, over a plate of freshly killed sashimi and octopus.

Shortly thereafter, I time traveled to a roller derby set in the 1980s. My closet and I love the 80s, and this was the perfect opportunity for me to cut up my newly purchased California Raisins sweatshirt into true Flash Dance style. It also provided the perfect setting for me to showcase my wild agility and ability to stand on two feet. My hands hurt for a good 3 weeks after this tumble.

A couple weeks later Josh “Gay” Rich came for a week-long jaunt to the peninsula to learn what Gangnam Style is all about. I’m not sure if he discovered it or not? He was my 3rd school visitor, and my kids thought he was very handsome and very TALL. The girls were oogling at him and the boys were jumping to try and reach his head. It was adorable.

Then he met my 6th grade boyfriend, Jinho. My little angel boy talked baseball with him and was so excited to meet him. I was like a proud mama.

During Josh’s visit I also celebrated my 2nd Thanksgiving abroad. Holidays are so weird in Korea. They literally sneak up on you. I swear I didn’t realize it was Thanksgiving til like 3 days before and we had to scramble for where we were doing our potluck because I was not settling for another bowl of Pho on Thanksgiving like last year. Anyways, this is my beautiful Seoul fam plus Josh. Every family has that one “special” member right? Can you spot ours?

This pretty much catches me up to present-day and my most current visitor. Adam and I have been wanting to be on the same continent for a few years now, and the time finally came! He just got out of the Navy stationed in Italy and has begun his year of jet-setting across Asia to pursue his photography dream. We started bonding over his beautiful photos a few years ago, so I’m thrilled to have him in my home-away-from-home to capture some stunning photographs of this peninsula that now holds a special place in my heart, despite all it’s oddities. He’s been here since December 10th, and is here until January 4th popping all over Korea.

Aside from taking brilliant photos, I brought him to school with me as my show and tell special gift to my shithead 6th graders. I felt they needed a little inspiration, and to many he was. They were all impressed with his gigantic stature (6’4″), his ginger hair, a term I taught to my 3rd graders, and how his feet hung out over the back of his slippers.

Here he is with my best class of 6th graders. They were amazing and had so much fun with him!

He also handed out piggyback rides to my favorite 3rd grade babies.

And met my 6th grade boyfriend again 🙂 Isn’t he just the cutest?

He even arm wrestled my man co-teacher after my students dragged Mr. Jang over to the table. Peep the video below to watch Adam kick his ass.

This week I also celebrated my 2nd Christmas abroad, but first in Seoul. I was actually feeling crappy all day, but was coaxed into going to my friend Keira’s for a potluck/housewarming party. It ended up being really nice and quaint and I’m glad I went, because the holidays are already really depressing living over here that they shouldn’t be made any more by staying in bed by myself on Christmas day. So, here’s another semi-family photo with some new Koreans that I met. Once again, can you spot our “special” member?

Last but certainly not least was the EPIC event that I partook in last weekend. My friend Jeremy runs a non-profit organization (http://gosena.org/) where he raises money to pay for high school costs for a select group of students in the Namibian school that he used to work at during the Peace Corps. So a couple times a year he throws fundraisers where we spend an over-abundance on alcohol and have an amazing time and it goes to support little African kids. Well, this holiday fundraiser was an In Living Color themed t-shirt tag party fully loaded with 90s dance battles. However, the 3 other “crews,” if they can even call themselves that, didn’t even stand a chance against my craftily put together crew. All hail to the 1st place champions: WORD TO YO MAMA’S HIGH WAISTED JEANS (or WTYMHWJ for short). We featured a medley of jams sampling all the great hits from every NOW music CD you ever owned. We won the whopping prize of 100,00won which we generously donated back to the kids, and of course superstar status for the rest of the evening.

If you want to relive the Macarena, Barbie Girl DDR style, the great Bboys, the amazingness of “The Carlton” or watch a tap dancer slam her ass so hard on the ground that she pulls her groin muscle, I beg you to please tickle your eyeballs with the video below. I promise you it’s worth every second of the 4 minutes that it is.

I hope you enjoyed the speedy version of the past 3 months. I’ve felt like quite the sorority girl that I never was.

OH, and if you live under a rock, I’ll be gracing the United States of America January 12th~25th. So, if you know what’s good for you you’ll accompany me as I eat myself a winter coat during the duration of my visit, and come celebrate my birthday the evening of January 19th. SEE YOU SOON AMERICA!!!

Konichiwa Bitchez ^^

October 17, 2012June 1, 20136 Comments

Chuseok a year ago marked my very first “I’m so happy I’m in Korea moment.” My newly found group of friends and I took our haven’t-been-paid-yet-broke-asses to Muuido island off the coast of Incheon, and it was magnificent. I couldn’t help but think back to that long weekend a year ago as I was taking off from Seoul headed to Osaka, Japan. A year ago I had found a group of 3 girls who at the time were my best friends in Korea. 2 of them have come and gone from our lil circle, and one fine lassie was added to the mix for good. A lot can happen in a year, and it has definitely been the best year of my life so far.

And the number one reason why this year has been the tops, is because as of Chuseok 2012, I have traveled to 6 countries in Asia. Since we are now making monies, a group of us decided to peace out of Korea for the long weekend and cross the sea on over to Japan! We ended up snagging expensive-for-flights-to Japan, but reasonably-priced-for-the-holiday flights to Osaka. Steph went a couple days before, then me, Katie and Josh(ephine) joined, with Jeewon a day behind us. It was an awesome girls trip plus Joshy boy. He really practiced patience, and learned a lot about Adele and the cleanliness habits of girls during the long weekend. Props to you sir.

The three of us arrived in Osaka around 5pm, then had to navigate through the horribly organized train system that makes up Japan. We are definitely spoiled with the brilliant and user-friendly subway on this peninsula, lemme tell ya! Luckily Josh met a girl on the plane who, along with giving him useful phrases to add to his list, also helped us figure out how to get to our hostel. Bless our giant Joshephine! My first thoughts upon arrival in Japan were that it is so clean and everyone on the street has their own STYLE. It was so refreshing to see, because while Korea is stylish, it’s also super buttoned up and repressed for individuality. I was also amazed by the amount of people reading BOOKS and not on their smart phones. This was like a cool drink of refreshing water!

So we made it to our hostel in the funky Americamura district, got some nomtastic bubble tea (boba) and a dinner of the most delicious beef I have ever had the pleasure of sinking my teeth into. It must have been because we were eating amidst an angel.

Here is what our hostel looked like. It was as if we went to sleep away camp for the weekend! Or a frat house, however you want to spin it. Minus the uncleanliness.

And this is our bathroom. I envisioned 6’4″ Josh like Buddy the Elf trying to cleanse himself in that teeny little space.

The next morning we woke up bright and early and were off to Kyoto, which was about 30 minutes by train. We dropped our bags off at the guest house and were off to bike around the city for the day. Kyoto felt like such a quaint little city, not like we were in a big city at all.

Our first stop was at the Golden Pavilion, or Kinkaku-ji. It was this massive golden palace with no windows set beside a beautiful lake. Once we got in it was like we stepped into a Sailor Moon field trip.

We were also greeted by this very polite Japanese man and his spread legs.

Joshy and Steph were also celebrity status when they got interviewed by a slew of giddy Japanese school girls.

After looking at the temple, we tried a bunch of delicious flavors of mochi (Japanese rice cakes) and the most AMAZING wasabi peanuts. I almost died and went to wasabi heaven. Here is Katie trying to figure out which nuts to buy.

Next we biked to the Imperial Palace, but since we could only go inside with an appointment, we biked around the perimeter and scoped out the lush flora.

After the Imperial Palace we needed to orient ourselves, so Katie and I took the liberty of hopping into the map to grab our bearings.

Then we were off to bike along the river. This area was just beside the Gion district of Osaka, which is also known as the Geisha district. While biking along the river I felt like I had been plopped down in Europe somewhere. It completely did not feel like Asia to me. There were street musicians and dancers and painters and everyday people just sitting on the side of the river reading books and drawing and talking. It was gorgeous and it was one of the things that made me fall in love with Japan, especially Kyoto.

After riding along the river we parked our bikes and went to see what Gion was about. It was a small area with a lot of hustle bustle, but still very quaint and historical feeling.

We crossed the road with a couple of geishas.

Saw some more geishas.

Saw the Gion Red Temple gate.

And gawked at the amazingness of Japanese snacks. And this is only the deli-ish section. Korea please take note.

We had then planned to bike further south to another shrine that we all wanted to see, but unfortunately it was starting to rain and getting late and we had to return our bikes. So, we headed out for a much earned and DELICIOUS conveyor belt sushi dinner that our homie Moe from the guest house suggested. It was bomb….except for the accidental sampling of raw horse. SICK.

The next day, thankfully not sick from the horse, Steph and I planned to splurge on a day trip to Hiroshima to see Miyajima Island and the Atomic bomb museum, however a typhoon decided to hit Japan and we opted to save our $300 and stay in the typhooning Kyoto for the day. We didn’t realize how bad the weather was til we were on the outskirts of Kyoto at a Bamboo forest, which would have been gorgeous had it not been for the awful weather. Here are my homies trying to figure out what direction the bathroom is in.

So we called that quits fast and got the train back to Kyoto where we traded in our umbrellas for full body ponchos, and decided to spend the afternoon eating Japanese nomz inside.

Yakisoba noodles with seafood!

Okonomiyaki pancake, which I swear tasted like the holidays to me. Almost like a gingerbread cookie oddly enough. It was okkk

After stuffing our faces, we tried to figure out a plan for the evening. Moe helped us decide on going to a Kabuki/Geisha/tea ceremony show in Gion, which we were really excited about….that is until we got there and saw THIS SIGN. If you can’t read it, it says that the theater is closed due to the typhoon. Angry birds we were.

OH WELL, guess we’ll go get shitfaced on sake and sushi and hit up a karaoke room instead. Cue sloppiest, most fantastical night ever. God bless the little Japanese fellas who had to clean up after our disaster.

This is what 30 bottles of sake….

and Celine Dion looks like, if you were curious.

It was an awesome last night with all of us together, and the next morning we checked out and popped back on up to Osaka for a day of exploring, and saying bye to Steph.

Our first matter of business was to rest after our wild night, and then hit up Osaka Castle, which played a major role in the unification of Japan during the sixteenth century.

Once inside we read about all the different wars and heirs that occupied the castle…..and most importantly, we got to play geisha for 15 minutes.

We were getting hungry (and one boy quite cranky) and decided to head to Namba and the River walk. We got the most tasty ramen at a little hole in the wall place on Dotonbori street, which is the most famous street in all of Osaka.

I regret to say I didn’t eat any Takoyaki (octopus balls), but here is what they look like and how they’re made. Next time I go back to Japan I promise myself I’ll try, because apparently they’re bombtastic.

After stuffing our faces, we did what any normal person in Japan does. We went to an arcade and Katie and Jeewon broke it down on the DDR with a silly looking, hardcore DDR Japanese boy. Here’s a video to show you just how asian they are.

We ended our last night in Osaka by trying to ride an extremely ginormous ferris wheel on the river, but failed miserably when we got there too late. Instead we decided to sit, talk, eat the massive amounts of mochi and snacks and green tea kit kats (and a 1/5 of booze for Josh) on the side of the river before catching the last train back to our hotel.

Overall, Japan was awesome!!!! I am so in love with it and glad I got to experience it with the lovely bunch of friendsies that I did. The people there are so polite and exude attitude and style and individuality, which I love, especially after coming from Korea. Obviously Korea will always hold a special place in my heart, it was just that they’re such different cultures, and I wasn’t really expecting that.

Until we meet again, sayonara Japan!!!

I Barack’d the Vote!

October 15, 2012June 1, 20132 Comments

This weekend I checked one big thing off my to-do list! I voted in my third Presidential election, and filled out my first absentee ballot, which was a bit exciting! I’ve been trying to figure out the process to vote from abroad for the past couple weeks but kept getting confused. Then, my friend Josh told me that the US Embassy was having a special day for all foreigners to come and cast their absentee ballots. Ka-ching! Off we went to BARACK THE VOTE!

I never pay much attention to politics, but I’ve gotten quite interested and eager to listen to the debates and all the hooha going on with the upcoming election. Perhaps a sign that I am getting older? Also, screw Romney for trying to take away our ovary’s rights.

Here is a picture of mine, Steph’s and Josh’s absentee ballots ready to be sent off to our designated counties in California, Washington and Florida. All of us proudly Barack’d the vote (I’m gonna keep saying that til it goes out of style…which will be never).

And another posing with the seal at the US Embassy in Seoul, ballots in hand.

Hopefully Obama wins, because I’m really excited to be home in the states for it on my birthday AKA Inauguration day AKA January 20th! #fourmoreyears (Yes I just hastagged in a blog post, so what).

The Philippines: An Ode To My Havaianas

September 3, 2012June 1, 20131 Comment

To wrap up my twelfth month of living abroad, I decided that instead of going home with my additional 2 weeks vacation, I would go and travel to another exotic land for a couple weeks. I decided I wanted to go to the Philippines after hearing rave reviews from some friends who went in the winter. For starters, I was trying to think who from home would drop life in a snap and meet me in the Orient. Other than my sister, that person would be Brianne, and life she did drop for a couple of beach basking weeks in the biggest archipelago in the world! It didn’t even take any coaxing. The mere question was asked and the dates were secured off from work within a week. BOOM! One thing that I am extremely grateful for is having friends who are so eager to travel and come meet me all over the world. It definitely helps to ease a little bit of the homesickness that could easily have crept in far earlier.

Going to the Philippines was actually both mine and Brianne’s first trip where the primary activity that we’d be doing would be relaxing, so to begin, we were both in unfamiliar territory. What? Vacation? RELAX?! NO! Oh, but YES! However, our vacation did not start out relaxing. Not in the least bit. We had to work up to that one.

Lack of relaxation began all the way in LA, starting with Brianne’s trip. Her flight was delayed I think 18 hours, then it was rerouted, and even had an emergency landing in Hawaii, just because the other delays weren’t enough. My trip also started with a bit of high strung action as I bolted through Incheon airport like I had a Buzz Lightyear jet pack on my back because the security did not understand “GATE CLOSED” while I was still standing in the security line. Zest Air apparently had some technical difficulties at their check in counter. Despite the momentary airport nerves, I made it to Manila on time, unlike Brianne. I had half a day before her new scheduled arrival, so I treated myself to a 2 hour massage and some dinner amidst what we would later find out to be the Red Light District of Makati in Manila. I knew it felt sketchball city when all those creepy eyes were following me. The next morning I had a brief panic attack because Brianne still hadn’t arrived and it was already 8:30am. Thank GOD for my sister who called the airline to get an update on Brianne’s flight for me. This was when I learned about all the rerouting and whatnot. Of course I was expecting only the worse. Around noon, I decided to go get a coffee while I waited for her arrival, when cue yellow cabby coming up the street with a very exhausted looking Brianne in the backseat, and me bolting after the cab as if my life depended on it. She was trying so hard to tune me out (because she thought I was a mother begging for money) that she didn’t even realize it was me til I was pounding on the window. I retrieved her (and her Peruvian money) safe and sound and we rejoiced in each others arms! Let our vacation begin!!!!

We started our first official vacation day together off with a bang. After Brianne did a quick freshening up, we hitched a cab to Intramuros, which from my research is really all there is to see in Manila that’s of any historical note. Intramuros means “The Walled City,” and it’s the original portion of the city that is still standing after the Spanish colonization and destruction. We were given a less than romantic tour through the walled city via horse and carriage in the rain by our tour guide, Nestor, and his horse with the ever-growing poop bag.

Manila Metropolitan Cathedral, as seen from our horse and carriage.

We befriended some girls in leopard pants who just wanted to sing Justin Bieber and “Call Me Maybe.”

We also got a little frisky with the Filipino presidents.

We got some awkwardly angled photos taken by Nestor in St. Agustin’s Cathedral. Fun fact, the ceiling is painted, not carved.

We made a lovely little friend, Jonathan, at the Casa de Manila. He was precious and we were practicing our Korean with each other.

We went to Baluarte de San Diego, which was where the Spaniards kept their prisoners. When the water would rise they would be tortured and drowned.

After our tour of Intramuros, Nestor decided to give us even more of a tour. He took us through China Town, which continued the shitholeness of Manila. The streets were unlike streets I have ever seen. Gah!

He even took us almost all the way back to our nook in the Red Light District, until his wheel broke. He hustled us far too much for our day’s journey, and why I didn’t pitch a fit, I don’t know. But Nestor got away with murder that day. Oh well, twas a grand day nonetheless and I’m sure him and his mistresses ate well for a week! Adios Manila!!

Next we were off to Donsol, which proved to be a bit of a bust, but still beautiful! First, we flew into the further of the two airports and had to take a 3 hour van (with many Disney stuffed animals) to Donsol that cost an arm and a leg. Second, I should have trusted my gut on this one, but of course I didn’t. We went to Donsol because the region is famous for Whale Sharks! My homie 4names told me that you can go there and snorkel with them and I instantly wanted to jump on that opportunity. However, I knew it was the off season and that they’d migrate, but I didn’t realize that they completely stopped taking boats out to find them, which they do. Boo. For future travelers to Donsol, the best time to go is in the winter months!

Unfortunately, this is the closest I got to a gloriously large Whale Shark (they’re the largest fish in the world, are vegetarians, and known as gentle giants….so they’re not Great Whites mom!) I WILL be back to do this eventually!!

So, instead of swimming with whale sharks, we drank red wine on our patio, got a buzz, went on the river to watch fireflies mate, and then retired to our boudoir to read our books side by side. Totally the same, right?

The next day we were off to the spectacular city of Naga (where the airport from hell was). The owner of our hotel in Donsol, May, was the sweetest woman ever. She reminded me of Chaz Bono in appearance, but what an angel she was. We were her only patrons, so she took it upon herself to accompany us to Naga and make sure we got a place to stay while we were there. She hopped in a tricycle with us when the van broke down upon entering Naga, and was just the kindest. I’m a strong believer in people living up to their names (I love Mays, and Joshes can suck it). So, we finally found a place that was quite luxurious, a wee bit out of our budget, and had “beds” which as far as we are concerned, were only box springs.

The next day is the worst day in the history of our Filipino adventure. We were supposed to have a full 4 days in beautiful Boracay, but instead we were stranded in the Naga airport for 8 hours while Manila flooded and every Air Phil Express plane had to be rerouted, while every Cebu Air plane took off according to plan. Long story short, we finally got out of the foodless airport and into Manila late that night, and I had to pitch a fit for them to actually put us up in a hotel in Manila that was infested with hookers and pee. We got on the first flight out the next morning, after I reached my limit and pitched another fit when our flight was delayed ever-so-slightly….. again.

OH! HELLO LOVER!! Never have crystal clear aquamarine waters looked more beautiful than after spending 8 hours in the worst airport ever, and another unwanted evening in the slums of Manila. We finally arrived in Boracay!!! We checked into our hotel, none other than La Isla Bonita, grabbed some breakfast and a cocktail (but not after I had a cranky “bacon” moment), snagged some new sunnies, sucked back a coconut and HIT. THE. BEACH. and got very very burnt.

The rest of our stay in Boracay consisted of snorkeling, meeting other awesome teachers from Korea that I can’t wait to see again, beach basking, drinking and shopping. All that’s really necessary is a pictoral journey of our stay in paradise.

I enjoyed my favorite tropical snack.

While Brianne felt otherwise.

We snorkeled amidst the glorious waters…

With Panama Ji-ho and all of his closest life-jacket clad Korean chingus. Fun (or not so fun) fact, Asians suffer the most drownings in the Philippines because many can’t swim.

We went to Crystal Cove Island, where we saw stalagmites/tites, and climbed on rocks while pretending to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

We got back to our dancer/cheerleader roots and put on quite the performance with a rope.

Played with electric blue sea life.

I also got this heinous photo of me with the living water balloon, Flounder, the puffer fish! He was slimey and gross and gave me the heeby jeebies!

We also went out and met some hip peeps, and some tools who ended up being kind of fun as well. Can you spot the toolbox keeper?

Boracay was everything I had hoped it would be! Alas, we were off to the final island of our hopping, and boy was it our fave! Last but not least was Palawan, home of El Nido, the cutest, most quaint and lovely little place.

Palawan is the biggest island on the west side of the Philippines. For the first time on our trip, our flights were all on time and we landed in Puerto Princesa as planned, found the De Loro hotel with the sweetest staff ever, and got to booking our excursions. Right when we arrived we signed up to go to the Underground River tour the following day, which is one of the 7 Wonders of Nature, and boy was it! Immediately after getting our permits for the river, we were off on a 4 hour tour of Puerto Princesa.

We caught a quick Filipino mass at St. Agustines Cathedral.

Despite my frustrations, I learned how to weave a rug, or place mat, or towel….or something, out of dyed grass. He was not a very good teacher.

Gazed at Honda Bay in the distance, and also creeped on cute kids and a horsey.

Then I turned into a beautiful butterfly at a butterfly garden. It was random.

The next day we were off to the Underground River in Sabang bright and early! We had an 8:30am appointment, and Sabang was about 1.5 hours away by van. We got on one of the earliest tour groups because they regulate the amount of people who are able to enter the cave each day due to excavations and research that are being held there. They allow 800 people to view it each day, so lucky us!

The boat ride was about 45 mins – 1 hour, and was really cool, but a bit long. Brianne and I were exhausted and regret to say that we took mini snoozes here and there. The cave is filled with bats, so they are all over the ceiling!! Our guide kept telling us that when we look up to not say “WOW” or else we’d get bat shit in our mouths. MMMMM! It was interesting, despite our snoozes, because the different stalagtite and stalagmite formations looked like different things, so the guide kept pointing out “this is the cathedral and The Last Supper” and “here we have broccoli in the garden” and “oh, and there’s a penis!” It was magnificent!

It was kinda hard to get good pictures in the cave, but these are pretty decent considering the lack of lighting combined with my shitty camera.

After floating thru a natural wonder, we were off to scour and repel rocks and zip line….all while in our slippery havaianas! We had no idea we were about to be rock climbing, or we would have packed the appropriate footwear. Oh well, hakuna matata!!

The journey wouldn’t have been a journey had we not been hammin it up for the camera along the way, now would it?

Oh! Welcome to our rock home!

Say a prayer….or hug a rock. I LOVE THIS ROCK SO MUCH!

Just hanging out with some lopsided stalagtites.

If it looks as if I’m barefoot, it’s because I might as well have been. Havaianas are not proper rock climbing attire.

I’m coming outttttt, I want the world to knowwww, gotta let it showww. That’s what comes to mind.

Finally at the top, ready to go down in our sexiest garb.

Stole these from the computer screen because I’m Jewish. Flyin highhh

SO MUCH FUN!!!

The final destination of our stay on Palawan was the little nook of El Nido, mine and Brianne’s favorite place on our whole trip. El Nido is so special because it’s still not a hot tourist spot, so you have to take a 6 hour van ride up from Puerto Princesa just to get there, and then once you’re there, there aren’t ATMs anywhere, so you gotta come stacked with the cash monies. It’s this quaint little backpackers haven interspersed with locals and everyday Filipino life everywhere. The people were so kind and helpful, and then on top of it, the village is surrounded by island after island for miles and miles. It is STUNNING and unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my life. You look out into the ocean and it’s like you’re in this cove encircled by mountainous islands on every side of you.

We took a private van overnight up from Puerto Princesa, which is actually really unlikely because they pack these vans to the brim. We just happened to be the only ones who booked to leave at that time so they were gonna try and cancel on us, but of course we pitched a fit, and got our van for a little extra money, but we were fine with that as long as we didn’t miss another day of our trip because of travel delays. So, we left at 6pm, and it took us more like 8 hours to get to El Nido because our driver kept stopping to fist bump his friends, pee, and sleep on the side of the road. It was sketch, but we made it there in one piece. We actually crashed at some random hostel called Full House because we got in around 2am with no accommodations and our driver happened to know the owner. It sufficed, but we didn’t see Uncle Jesse 😦

The next morning we woke up to this majestic view, then hitched a tricycle into town to grab our bearings.

We stayed at a nice little place called the Garnet Hotel. It stood out to me initially because it was bright orange. Then it also had an adorable staff, so it was perfect. It’s on the main road of El Nido, and the little guy working there helped us set up our snorkel tour for the next day, and got us a personal driver to take us to Las Cabanas beach, which is situated just outside of El Nido, and then 2 guys to motorcycle us around up to Long Beach and a glorious waterfall.

The only downside to our time in El Nido was that it was really overcast, but it was a small price to pay. It was breathtaking no matter what. Here we are gallavanting and enjoying Las Cabanas beach and all the islands!

All that lush flora on our walk to the beach!

How cliche of us….it says Dani & Bree in a heart.

Our next day was spent island hopping. It was a ridiculously rough day, and the boat ride out to the islands was SO choppy that we were soaked by the time we got to the first lagoon! But, this was some of the most magnificent snorkeling I have ever done. I wish I had pictures to document it, but they will just live in my memory. In one dive spot I felt like I was in a starfish graveyard that was scattered with roses everywhere. There were fish that looked like they jumped right out of the 80s in their flourescent scales, and I even felt like I was swimming amidst Ariel and King Triton’s palace beneath the sea. The snorkeling was so unbelievable that we found ourselves snorkeling way far out away from the boat, until our nerves got us and we’d swim back just a lil bit closer. We swam into a secret lagoon where we could barely see in front of us, and also happened to be where part of the Bourne Legacy was filmed. I swear I also saw numerous jellyfish swim past me. Later we came to find out that the Box Jellyfish, which is apparently the most deadly thing on the planet and can kill 100 people with one sting…..resides in the waters we were swimming in. Comforting!!

Above Ariel’s Kingdom, where Bourne Legacy was filmed.

A bomb ass lunch was served on one of the islands, with a side of our new friend Cucoy’s underpants. That man would touch anything and everything under the sea.

The next day was our favorite day of the trip by far! We had two young guys, Wang Wang and Neil, and their motorcycles at our service. We were driven way out of El Nido up to Long Beach. We drove through remote little villages and got to see how the other half lives, let the wind catch our hair, walked as close as I ever have to cows, had a monkey man fetch us coconuts up a tree, and then hiked (in havaianas…again) to a gorgeously refreshing waterfall. I can now check riding on the back of a motorcycle off my bucket list 🙂

We had some fans as we passed through…

And only drove on the safest of terrain.

Met some ballers as we drove through their hood.

Next came the hike to that delightful waterfall. We got stuck in the mud along the way, forded many a river and scoured many a rock. And we might as well have been barefoot whilst doing so.

Here is Brianne pretending to like my coconut.

What woman doesn’t want an au natural brassiere straight from the earth?

MADE IT without any falls along the way. That’s saying a lot for me.

Rewarding ourselves with a dip.

One of my absolutely favorite things about El Nido was that everyday we saw the same people. Whether it was other foreigners, or the local children playing hopscotch in the street. I had one of my favorite nights at a local restaurant called Squidoos, where we met a young couple who’d been traveling for the past couple months on a tight tight budget, a young British Indian couple who had just come from visiting a cousin teaching in Korea, and the most fantastic little French family who reinstilled my faith in the French people. We had a couple of those amazing nights just filled with great conversation and travel stories. Loved loved loved!

A trip is never a trip without the addition of cute Asian babies. So, here I am playing a most adorable and rigorous game of High 5 with the cutest little babes on the planet!! They were so cute they took my attention away from my most delicious nutella crepe!

After 3 wonderful days in El Nido, we bid adieu and were off on yet another 6 hour van ride back to Puerto Princesa where we spent our final night. My friend Mandy and her boyfriend Luke were actually having their first night on our last night, so we all met up and went to dinner at a burger place called Skybox. It was really nice to get to say bye to Mandy in person since she obviously left Korea while I was gone.

As you can see, it was an amazing trip and I’m so glad that Brianne and I had the opportunity to meet up on this side of the globe and see each other while I celebrated 1 year of life abroad. We were wonderful travel buddies, and until our next worldly journey….Daniel & Brian will always have ze Peens…and our little warrior Havaianas ❤

Diary from my Death Bed

August 30, 2012June 1, 2013Leave a comment

Just to update all ya’ll peeps, I thought I should let you know that I am fine and out of the hospital, out of my bed and back at school. Last week I happened to get really sick out of what seemed like nowhere and it was so miserable. I’ve never been sick like that before. I didn’t eat for a week, could barely sleep because my whole body hurt (still does a bit) and was throwing up pretty non-stop. My old co-teacher-turned-friend, Leni, was my little Korean mommy and took really good care of me though, along with Jin who was the first one to come to my rescue and take me to see a doctor finally.

Long story short, the 2nd doctor I went to told me that I would have to go to a hospital after running a blood test because he thought I may have caught Hepatitis A or some other disease from traveling in the Philippines. So, after a violently dramatic performance of throwing up in the doctor’s office, Leni whisked me off to the big hospital where I was hooked up to an IV and got some much needed fluids back in my system. They probably took 4 or 5 viles of blood from me so they could test for everything I requested. One of my many bug bites had gotten infected in the Philippines, so I had them test for Dengue Fever, Malaria and anything you can catch from a stupid mean bug.

This is me partying with the typhoon and my IV. He was a great dance partner. I was an equally pleasant partner.

After I got back from the hospital, my other Korean angel mommy, Jeewon, came up to North Korea to prepare me a heaping batch of the vegetable soup I had been craving all day. I love her.

Turns out all my tests came back negative, but my liver is all out of whack. How that is possible, I have no idea, considering I am Grandma Schaeff and barely drink, but the doctor said it’s manageable and will go back to normal on its own. So I go back to be checked out again on Monday, before which I starve myself all day at school so I can go get my blood drawn again. Oh well, at least I’ll find out if I’m A-OK or not 🙂

Anyways, thought you might like to know that I’m alright. Philippines post coming soon 🙂

Blood Suckers of the Unsexy Type

July 22, 2012June 1, 2013Leave a comment

I would like to start by emphasizing that Korea has the worst, most disgusting weather I have ever experienced, especially in the summer! Right now is monsoon season, so while it’s 150% muggy and you’re wet and sticky the second you open the door to walk out of your previously air-conned room, it’s also most likely pouring buckets outside and the mosquitoes are flying around at a rapid pace looking for the next patch of skin to suck blood from. They have decided to make me their #1 victim and I am about ready to claw all of my skin off!!!!!

Last weekend after Mud Fest I counted 30+ bug bites on my legs and arms. Then on Tuesday I went out to the suburbs of Seoul with school and we walked up to a stream then had an over-extended dinner above said stream. I WAS DYING and got bit probably 30 more times in a 3 hour time span. I wanted to run screaming and get on that damn bus so damn bad. But no. We sat sat sat, they drank drank drank, I was bored bored bored. Not only was the language barrier very prevalent that evening, I was annoyed and getting bitten, while all the Koreans seemed to remain untouched and just kept getting drunker and drunker. I read online that apparently the mosquitoes think foreign blood is a delicacy. UGH.

This is my left inner thigh at the moment. I look like I have some skin-eating disease, but I am merely bruising myself because I can’t stop scratching. These Korean mosquitoes are unlike any others I’ve encountered. They are a million times worse than they are in SE Asia. They make the polka-dotted legs that I acquired in Vietnam and Cambodia look like little pricks. While those were huge, these ones are like little over-sized underground pimple demons that ooze the worst itches of life. I can’t stop scratching til they bleed, and hydrocortisone and bug spray are NOT working. I even tried rubbing dry soap on them, and will try toothpaste tonight. Nothing has soothed the itch yet. UGH UGH UGH. Anyways, I just wanted to bitch and moan and show you how disgusting my leg is. Enjoy because I’m sure as hell NOT.