Month: April 2014

#tbt The Night We Repped The LBC

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For this #tbt (read: #throwbackthursday, read: flashback to days past), I’m going to visually recount when Joshy, Jee, Veny and I took our ghetto a$$e$ to see Snoop in Seoul, because, well, I realized I never repped him on the blog, and because it was super fun and it also wasn’t an epic bomb of a show like that time Collin and I thought we saw Gaga cover Gaga.

I realize this was pretty much almost a year ago next month, thus making it the perfect specimen for a flashy flashback.

We all got really super excited when we knew Snoop was coming.  There was the minor wonderment of how the man was going to enter the country under the influence, because you know he has to be, and there was no way he wasn’t going to be without it, but Korea is a druggless country. There was also the brief discussion of how we ourselves were going to get “lit”.

Joshua and I seriously looked up directions for how to smoke banana peels like a coupla hippies, but that turned up preposterous results, and work that proved to be far too extensive for an outcome that would not warrant our backbreaking labor over my measly toaster oven.

Guess we would just have to sip on dat gin (soju) n’ juice the old fashioned way while we got to work on our hand-crafted Olde English LBC represent costumerie. We kept in true Rastafarian color scheme to go along with his Snoop Lion-ness.

I would personally like to thank Itaewon’s skeezy scene for being a magical garden of glorious ghetto herb jewels!  Thank you for bedazzling our bosoms!

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After Snoopifying ourselves. Purple drank and a fat one.

Moving outdoors to some bars to get all hood and shit.

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Bad bitchez.

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Is this guy the biggest thug you ever did see or what? Livin dat THUGLYFE.

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The show was at Olympic Park Stadium, and once we got in, it felt so lax compared to concerts back home. I’m used to hardcore security at Staples Center where you cannot walk an inch without someone checking your ticket, but once we were inside, we were able to run down and we were on a lower platform just dancing and singing (screaming, let’s be honest, I lost my voice) the whole night with a slew of other people. It was bomb diggity.

We also made bets about what time and what song he was going to start with, and guess who was the lucky ducky?! That’d be moi! He kicked it off as Snoop Lion with his then-new “La La La” and after that he was Snoop Dogg for the rest of the show.

Everyone owed me a cocktail that I really did not need at that point in my life.

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In keeping with the theme of the evening, and because we wanted to try and stalk him and sneak into the after party with him and 2NE1, we went to every super gangsta bar in Itaewon. We ended up spending the bulk of our evening in Club Zion, which I deem the island bar because I like to imagine that’s what it’d feel like if you were on some sweaty island somewhere. I met a bald man named Herbert, and I will not be returning there again!

And no, we did not meet or get into any Snoop Doggy Dogg parties. But I know where to find all the Tanzanians if you’re looking.

All in all, it was an excellent show and we had SO much fun!

Always remember, WEST COAST IS THE BEST COAST!

Zumba & A Chop&Dye

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As a foreigner in this far eastern land, there are a couple life necessities that are quite difficult to find that reach top notch western standards. One of those is a good hip gyrating Zumba class, and the other is a solid ‘do chopping. Well, the hair has actually been covered for quite a while, as my post on the gloriousness of Lucy has received much traction on the interwebs. However, I have recently tested other waters because, just because, and well, Danielle is happy.

And well, the connection between the two is that one who cuts yo hair also gets you to shake yo azzzzz! Sexy for sexy!

I Zumba’d quite regularly before coming to Korea, and the class was taught by a girl I used to dance with at Retter’s, so it was legit. Then I came to Korea and took a few classes, all totally made me sweat buckets, but totally sucked on the Zumbaness factor. The teachers just didn’t know what they were doing, or it felt like they were just making the dances up as they were going, or, um, they just didn’t look like they danced hardcore on a regular basis. Apologies, but you want your instructor to look like they get down and this ish works.

Then Veny enlightened me to the HOTT Zumbaboyz, who are HOTT. That’s with a double T. Dan and Jin are magical and so much fun and exactly what a Zumba class is supposed to be. They have classes that they teach together every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at the Latin American Center in Kyungridan for 10,000won/class, or you can get a card  for 10 classes and pay 80,000won. Win win.

Kyungridan is on the opposite side of Hae Bang Chan, so go out Noksapyeong exit 2 til the underpass and cross under. Cross the street by Noxa and just walk straight, it’s just past Millions of Milkshakes and a taco place.

Dan also teaches at the Body Star in Jongno-5-ga on Tuesday nights and Jin at the Body Star at Sungshin Women’s University exit 4 (my hood!) on Thursday nights at 9pm.

Token photo with them the first time I went to one of their classes. They had a big fancy opening party with disco balls and flashing lights. Totes approps.

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As mentioned above, this post is two-fold. Not only is Jin a mover and a shaker, he’s also a hair chopper! He recently opened up JP Hair in Hae Bang Chon, just up the main road when it curves around to the left. That wasn’t supposed to sound dirty.

You see, I started cultivating my glorious “Garden of Gray” at the ripe age of 25 while stressing out over JLo, but it was manageable until the day I turned 30. On that fateful day in January, the garden started looking more like a forest each time I gazed in the mirror. It was a minor horror at each glance. It had to be dealt with immediately. My virgin locks had to meet dye for their first time. That, and I needed life brought back into my limp mane.

So I put my trust in Jin.

Since I am not a #selfie #narcissist I don’t have any just-after photos for documentation, but I actually told Jin just as I was leaving how much I loved my hair and that I never usually like how my hair looks when I leave a salon. He curled it, which looked divine, but to be expected, they fell by the time I reached the bus stop. Stupid hair.

So foreign AND Korean ladies, you should totes check out Jin for your next ‘do revamp! He’s a pro, speaks perfect English and his studio is centrally located and greatly priced. 20,000won for a cut and 50,000won to have my roots dyed. Not too shabby.

To get there, just walk out Noksapyeong Station exit 2 and into HBC past the kimchi pots. Walk allllll the way up the main street, and when you see it fork off just turn left and it’s around the corner above the 7-11.

Happy thrusting and sexifying!

The Grand Baby Tour Of Los Angeles

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I like to refer to my last trip home as the “Baby Tour of Los Angeles” due to the fact that my trip entirely revolved around meeting new babies, peppered with the wine and sangria imbibement with friendzies along the way. Thank the heavens above for my Schaeffeur of a sister for shlepping my carless tuchous all over the greater Los Angeles area, and even deep into The OC.

Now I know you want to see these babies as much as I did, so join me if you will.

But first, let me back up to August when I was enjoying my first evening basking on my balcony in the Mexico of Bali, Kuta, where I was forced to spend 1 wretched night. Wretched until the best Facebook message ever popped up! I’m pretty psychic (sometimes), and well, when I got a random message from Kendra, the first thing I thought was “I BET SHE’S PREGNANT.” We don’t message to say hello on the reg, after all. Sure enough my psychic powers were on point, and along with a sonogram photo, her little man had a due date of February 18th, meaning I was definitely coming home for a visit come winter time. He could not have had a more perfect debut date to match up with my vacation. That, and he was born a few days before I landed, so he was ready to rock n’ roll for Auntie D’s arrival! Good going on the baby making calendar Kesslers.

At 6 days old, little Grouchy Gavin was the perfect Pororo model! And look at the size of that hand! He’s gonna be a giant just like his daddy!

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From Bali to Seoul to Irvine and back to Seoul, Auntie Danielle would like to thank Social Media and technology for allowing her to virtually be there every step of the way, including live updates during the entire labor. After all that, she just can’t believe she’s holding you! It’s true love.

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We even got to enjoy a Skype date this past weekend. Gavin has changed so much! He is no longer grouchy, has learned how to flash his gummy gums, has Kendra’s chin and Justin’s Japanese eyeballs. I am even more in love, and hope to be back in the States (for a quick sec) in time for his 1st birthdizzle.

Here I am oogling at the cutest baby hoodrat in all the land.

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Another little munchkin on the “Baby Tour of LA” was my friends Alessandra and Steve’s little Cuban cutie. Leah was 6 weeks old and has the most pinchable cheeks, big tummy and curious eyes. Alessandra plopped her into my arms right when I walked in the door, and she was so unfussy the whole time. Definitely a sweet little love bug.

I stole this shot after our stroll around the neighborhood when she was ready to trek around town with mommy.

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Next up was a revisit to the juiciest Georgia Peach in the whole entire land, none other than Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s little baby doppelganger. Last I saw Georgia, she was 4 months old and cooing on her back while Chizzy and I played with her underneath the baby mobile. This time she was riding her Grandma’s back around the living room like she was a pony, kicking her daddy out of her seat in the living room, pointing to her belly button, and trying on Mirandawg’s highest of heels. Uh oh. Cutie trouble awaits! I just. I can’t handle it.

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Like mommy like baby.

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And the final little babe to get the Schaeff treatment was a very special one. Due to family politics, I thought I was never going to have the chance to meet my 2nd cousin, my cousin Jackie’s son Kian. I’d always see photos of him on Facebook and get a little sad thinking I would probably never meet him. He recently had surgery on his brain and has had to wear the most adorable race car driver helmet during the healing process. Well, seeing photos of him rockin’ this helmet made me even more sad. BUT, I am sad no more thanks to my cousin Danny! Danny (yes, sista and I have cousins with the boy versions of our own names) helped arrange everything, and sista and I popped on over to play with kutie Kian, Elmo and his elephant.

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Our little race car driver is so darling, and even crawls like a little monkey, of course making me love him even more. I am one happy camper after this play date!

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That about does it for the “I’m so old my friends are all having babies” portion of my life.

I will leave you with the cutest babies in the whole wide world, my little perfect puppy Presley and Cilly Cilla girl.

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3am puppy modeling hour.

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It would be incomplete without this creeper shot taken by my darling sista.

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As you can see, this trip home was not lacking in the heart explosion department. Thank heavens for tiny creatures.