Month: March 2012

I’m a Celebrity

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Well, not really.  But kinda.  Somehow I was nominated to be the waygook spokesperson and was interviewed (and air kissed on camera) last weekend when I went on that DMZ bike tour with Seoulites.

No one will be able to read this article, but scroll down to watch my debut Korean television appearance around the 30 second mark, and scroll even further to see the sexy group of folks I rode with.

The caption under the photo of all of us reads like this, according to Google Translate: “Fighting foreigners who participated in the DMZ bike tour is taking pictures and shouting.”  That’s exactly what we were doing.

My 2nd Journey To The DMZ

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Yesterday I went on a bike tour of the DMZ, aka the most heavily militarized border in the whole wide world. I’ve lived in Korea for a total of 7 months so far, and already have been to the border twice in the past 2 months. What’s wrong with me? Anyways, this was far different from the actual tour I went on with sista a couple months back.

This time about 16 of us made the 1.5ish hour trek to the border.  Upon arrival we saw what I would definitely deem the happiest place on Earth.  I think it might even give Disneyland a run for its money. That would be the amusement park just grazing the border between North and South Korea. Weird.  There were like 2 people there.

Instead of paying $50 for the tour sista and I took, or $100 for the Panmunjom tour which grants you access into the Joint Security Area (where the North & South meet for discussions of sorts.  This is the only place where you get the chance to step into North Korea), we paid 10,000 won (~$9) to rent a mountain bike with tracker, helmet and a neon green tank top so we wouldn’t get lost or wander into a land mine and go bye bye. As you can see, I dressed appropriately for a strenuous bike ride. Anything in the name of fashion.

Apparently this bike tour happens once a month.  My Korean friends Keira and Jeewon organized it for a group of us to go, which was an awesome get-out-of-Seoul day. Though I must say, it was awfully strange to look to your left and see barbed wire lining the pot-holed road and having suited up soldiers directing you and watching your every move. Bizarre, but cool (?) way to see the border.  The ride really got my juices flowing and I worked up quite a sweat.  My ass is also killing me today.  Since Obama was also walking on the same land as us, we couldn’t bike on a bridge that’s normally part of the tour.  However, we were breathing the same air and looking at the same lack of scenery as Barack.  Kinda cool.

Here are some more highlights:

Spring water, straight from the border. I am a fan of the barbed wire detailing.

Ze group of waygooks and our token Koreans who organized it ^^

Stretching as a group with 300 Koreans and our bikes. Shake out your hands.

Let me know when you receive this Schaeffs!

Most of us were zonked on the return.

All in all, yesterday was awesome.  Twas a great group of people and a fun new thing to add to the list of Korean happs so far! And, I’m back in 1 piece with a new backpack that we received as a souvenir. Schaeffs, you better frame that postcard when it gets to the house as a souvenir from North Korea.

Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend

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A few days early, BUT I couldn’t contain myself…….

28 years ago a curly headed biatch named Cori Alexandra Diamond was born. 22 years ago, in Mrs. Wilkins’ 1st grade class at Willow Elementary School, I was jealous of her florescent blue roller blades with the hot pink shoe laces. This is when I knew I wanted to be friends with this bitch. And just like that, through the years we’ve bonded over strawberry jacuzzis, someone named Sahubbahubba, our own made up holiday Honkamimi, first roller coaster rides, awful dances to Jay-Z songs, “Ilan es guapisimo,” first Britney Spears and *NSYNC concerts (fully equipped with bad hair and botched Latina makeup), record-breaking all day phone calls, weekly weekend brunch and flea market outings and jaunts across South East Asia just trying not to kill each other.  It truly has been quite the exhausting 22 years, but I wouldn’t trade this friendship for 1 bagillion dollas.

SO, since I’m not there in person this year to celebrate her birth with her, I will use this blog space to make a timeline of our friendship through the years based off the photos I have access to on Facebook. There will of course be many years missing, but you can fill in the blanks with ridiculous whathaveyous.  So, here you go Diamond.  I hope you get just a teency bit embarrassed. After all, this is how I best show you my undying love and friendship.  Cue love/hate relationship now.

Circa 1990.  The year we met in Mrs. Wilkins’ 1st grade class. Cori’s in the center wearing the Willow sweatshirt, I’m in the back shielded by a hairpiece.

7th grade I think. My all-time favorite Cori photo. Take a bite outa crime. We had to go on Splash Mtn 2x because the photo didn’t take the 1st time and we needed documentation of her going on a “scary” ride.

7th grade again I think. Took a tumble at Disneyland.

Our parents’ biggest fears. US behind moving vehicles. Needless to say, we were both late-bloomers in the license- attainment department.

8th grade. Always the biggest laughers (and mouths) in the room 🙂

Uh oh. Thank god I’m 6,000 miles away from her.

Culminating 8th grade

This was the “Ilan es guapisimo” phase. Ah 9th grade Spanish and trying to be sexy with a baked potato.

Fresh out of college and ready to grab Hollywood by the balls.

God she was sexy this 26th birthday of her’s. I dubbed her “Floor Whore”…because she spent most of the night there.

27 and gorgeous dahhhling

After doing some time-steps in Supper Club

This is so US.  Bidding me farewell for awhile 😦

Crying in her car after my going away party. My biggest cry baby.

Reunited in Thailand after 4 months to ring in 2012.  A couple hours before this we wanted to kill each other. Aint no thang.

Ready to kill me…………. again?

But really, Diamond, I love you like you’re my sister. My dad always used to tell me to hold onto those close friends you knew while growing up, the ones you knew before life REALLY happened.  Well, not many people can say they did that, or have someone they even still like from their childhood.  I truly am one of the luckiest people to be able to call you my best friend in childhood and in adulthood.  We’ve weaved in and out of each others lives through the years but always managed to come back to one another.  We may bicker and say shitty things, but I can’t think of anyone (besides my own family) that I can be like that with and know that the love and friendship will always be unconditional without even thinking twice.  You are the best and I hope you have the most amazing birthday ever!  Cheers to a gagillion more years of ripping each others heads off, 6am text messages and being the loudest laughers in the room.  I LOVE YOU!

Get Out Of My Way.

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My 7 month Korean anniversary was yesterday, so I celebrated at a waygook St. Patty’s Day Festival in Sindorim.  All the kokos probably thought “wtf is with all the waygooks in green today?” It was lovely to be in an area with all foreigners (waygook ＝ foreigner), wonderful friends, face painting, a Korean U2 cover band (who were actually pretty good!), some Irish dancing and lots of day drinking.

There are lots of things I really really like about Korea, such as: everything is cute (EVERYTHING), THE BABIES, public transportation is wonderful, you can always find fried chicken (I never really ate fried chicken before moving here, and omg), best coffee shops ever, THE BABIES, being here is like a break from life and it’s amazing, buying near anything on the run is always so convenient (makeup, booze, a new outfit, whatevz), the shopping is OFF THE CHAIN, etc. Oh, and THE BABIES. Cutest babies in the world.

There are also many things that are starting to piss me off about Korea, such as: everyone always on their damn smart phones 24/7, walking like snails, men carrying women’s purses, not knowing what I’m eating half the time, no water at lunch (just salty soup), they eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner (I’m starting to get really sick of Korean food), the awful customer service, or lack thereof….and being PUSHED ALL THE TIME.

I really started realizing the things that have been wearing on me when returning “home” from my travels.  I found myself getting constantly irritated by Korean things. Yesterday one thing really HIT me, literally. Someone hit me. As I was walking to my transfer in the subway, just walkin along, iPod in my ears, minding my own damn business like every other Korean, some old ajussi (old Korean man) walked head on towards me, jutted his arms out, and literally SHOVED me out of his way. Um, pardon, but I’m a walking, living human being.  Get some spatial awareness and some manners PLEASE. I might not look like you, but I’m not an inanimate object you just shove out of your way.  Ah, the Land of Push & Shove.

I wonder if CCTV caught that live in action. Probably.

But yea, 7 months have passed.  Kinda cray cray.  Despite the nagging things, I’m still loving it here, yo.  I’m also a bit shocked I haven’t gotten supremely homesick like I thought I would. Maybe that’ll kick in soon.

LOVE YOU!! ❤

 

 

A Year Ago.

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I’m feeling a bit reflective today after failing at yet another Skype date with my MayMay and just missing my lovers back home….or rather in the States because practically no one lives at what I call HOME anymore.  Sad face.

A year feels like such a long time, but I’ve come to realize shit flies by! A year ago last month I was “let go” from my jail sentence of a job that I thought I had really really wanted, filed for unemployment and was almost denied it by the prison warden, then high-tailed out of LALA with Brianne on a 2 week cross-country road trip to New Orleans for that disgusting, festive, boob-baring celebration called Mardi Gras, so we could both check that off our bucket lists and have an amazing excuse to belt out “Born This Way.” Leaving that job and going on that trip was probably the best transitional thing to ever happen to me.  Some highlights of this journey included:

Falling off a seesaw and knocking the wind out of myself.

Rejuvenating a long-time friendship that had wanted reconnecting for a really long time.

Kissing a plastic frog beaded necklace and thinking I met a prince (who turned out to be a toad)….but I believe I met for a reason.

The reason being Korea. Had we not met, hit it off ridiculously well and then decided to go together on a whim, I really don’t know if I actually woulda grown the balls to pick up and move across the world 5 months later.  Well that relationship crashed and burned, but the plans did not.  We both made it to Korea but on our own devices.

He doesn’t play a part in my life these days (thank god), except for the random “I’m in Seoul” texts every now and then, but I am grateful for having met him. It’s not often you meet someone who you click with and find that you both want a lot of the same things out of life.  That was a freakin year ago.  Seems like it was just yesterday.

It’s also been a year since the first of my LA lovers picked up and became NYC transplants. Jeanette and Kayla (and then Sammy) moved almost a year ago, and this time last year we were “celebrating” their goodbyes 😦

I think I just really miss all you bitches back home and wish I could be better with time zones and realize the time we set Skype dates for, but I’m sorry for my epic fails.  Erg. But more importantly, I was just thinking about how so much growth and change can happen in one year and how you don’t even really realize it til it’s happened. A year ago I decided to get serious about moving abroad for one year, and now I’m starting my second semester of school and getting ready to renew for another year. I’ve traveled far more than I thought I would in  a year, met a lot of super interesting people, some annoying as fuck people, dated some ratards, and realized the difference between what I used to look for in a person and what I want now – the complete opposite and something much more.

That’s really it.  I spent the morning Skyping with Sista and Presley (and my mom via speakerphone), found out Brotha had his head stapled last night after falling and drinking too much (but he’s ok, thank god), and looking at old videos of the Baller dancing which bring an eternal smile to my face.

Now I’m just sitting in a cute little cafe with a sleeping Mandu and his teddy bear beside me.

Also, a year later history repeated itself.  I had another epic tumble. This time I was also completely 100% sober and just couldn’t master one-foot-in-front-of-the-other.

 

 

Hoonervous?

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Friday was the first day of school and yesterday was the first official day of subject classes, and my first day teaching with my new co-teacher, who I will now call Hoon. He’s super nervous and I’m super nervous having to teach with him, mostly because he’s awkward and super nervous.  Did I already say that? But he’s nice, so I guess that’s something. My classes are good, and I’m finding myself putting my foot down more which I guess is a good thing since it’s the start of the year.  I’m leading these intro classes with him because he’s never done it before, so again, more pressure on me. But all went well so far.  Luckily I am a chatter box so I talk enough for the both of us. We teach 3rd and 6th together so it should be interesting.  It’s just frustrating when I have to tell him to translate something into Korean for them, especially the 3rd graders who are just beginning to learn the language.  He’ll learn.  I just keep telling myself, “think how you were 6 months ago and how Leni and Jin probably felt.”

I’m also a bit nervous because he is my head co-teacher now since Leni is no more 😦 Basically, he is my go-to for everything regarding life (apartment, school stuff, etc). I was originally told it would be Jin, which would make more sense, but nope, Hoon is.  Today he accidentally told me 2nd period was cancelled and we didn’t have Leni’s 6th graders.  He was wrong, and had to come running back to my class.  Eeeep.

Last night the school went out for bbq and soju (obv) to welcome the 4 new teachers at my school. Hoon and another guy, who’s name I’m unsure of, but he helps the special ed kids, have started sitting with us at lunch and dinner because Hoon needs to hardcore work on his English. Hoon gets drunk and then starts talking more to me, so I guess that is the secret. But I have noticed that a lot more teachers are starting to come up to me and talk the little English they may know. Especially when they get some of that liquid courage in them. I was really excited to get to catch up with Leni at dinner last night and made her sit next to me.  She sat down and after a few minutes looked over at Hoon at another table and was like “do you think I should switch with him?” I told her probably, but i don’t want her to.  So she stayed and we played catch up.  She was like “he’ll get drunk and then he’ll come over.  That is good.” lol. I love her. She also told Jin that her hair grew a lot over vacation.  She told me that according to Koreans, if your hair grows a lot very quickly it means you are thinking of sex before you go to bed, and very often. Once again, I LOVE HER.

The rest of the night was lovely.  We all abruptly left from dinner, as is the usual with Koreans.  I never know when we’re leaving until everyone stands up and puts their coats on. This part I thought was funny. We all start walking out and the principal starts putting his arm around Leni and then other random people telling them to come and walk to the bar we are supposedly going to. I didn’t feel like going because I wanted to go home and read the last book in the Hunger Games, Jin didn’t want to, another teacher Jiyeun didn’t want to and neither did Leni and a couple other girls. Instead, we all follow the men because they’re all too nice to say I just wanna go home. So we follow.  And then proceed to stand out in the rain under our umbrellas for like 10 minutes while the others are all inside and they decide what we should do.  I had no idea what they were saying so I’m just like doo-dee-doooo. Then I turn to Jin and ask her and she says “none of us want to go but don’t know if it’s nice.  So we are not decisive.” This is also why I think Asians get the bad-driver rep.  Slow and indecisive.

We ended up going in.  They also gave me the menu to pick what we should order at the bar for food.  I of course chose pizza. The pizza came, one had freakin honey on the side and the other was a saucy aight pizza. They all took pieces and put them in the bowls we were given and kinda picked at it. I of course had like 3 pieces.  Leave it to the fatass waygook. I also inhaled the bowl of rice ring things that they put on the table with your drinks.My vice principal also pointed out to the whole table of teachers that I am older than Hoon.  Everyone started giggling thinking they were probably trying to make a match out of us.  Awkward!

One last thing that brightened my day yesterday. Leni had her class write who their favorite teacher has been so far at Nowon Elementary.  She said many students wrote their last year homeroom teacher, but my little peach of a Jinho (on the left below) wrote that me and Jin are his favorite teachers. I knew I loved him for a reason 🙂

 

 

The End of The Beginning & The Beginning Of The End

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Today is the first day of school, and I wore my new vintage blue plaid blazer because you’re supposed to look your best on the first day of school, right? I also wore my new Koreanized spectacles which my amazing-not-anymore-co-teacher told me look very expensive. I’m fancy.

Since it’s the first day of school and I never wrote about winter camp or the end of the school year, I’m just gonna kill 2 birds with one stone.

Winter Camp came and went, thank god.  2 weeks for 3rd & 4th graders, 1 week of 5th & 6th grade little shits. We did Hollywood Week and it went fine.  I think the highlight for me was teaching myself iMovie and making them these music videos which I showed on the final day…A Day at the Academy Awards.  I taught them a song, they illustrated, I threw these together.

Weeks 1 & 2 / 3rd &4th graders: Hot ‘N Cold by Katy Perry.  Taught them oppositessss.

Week 3 / 5th & 6th graders: Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. Taught them about LA…and gerunds (-ing words).

Korea’s weird in that we had winter vacation end of December to beginning of February, then came back for a couple weeks, the 6th graders graduated (cue waterworks…and I did), and then we had  spring break for a couple weeks and now we’re back a grade older.

I’m a bit nervous to be honest. My amazing co-teacher Leni is now a 6th grade homeroom teacher, so we won’t be teaching together anymore 😦 Jin and I will still be teaching together, thank god, and I have a new co-teacher, Mr. Jang, who I taught English camp with. I’m nervous about that because his Englishee is pretty bad and he giggles whenever I say hello to him…uh oh

This is our last lunch as a 3some because Leni now eats lunch with her students in her classroom. Sad face.

Thought I’d post some of the photos from the 6th grade graduation, because I freakin love those kids. I think I’m the only one who loved their 6th graders. I actually cried at their graduation.  Who cries at a 6th grade graduation? A loser cries at a 6th grade graduation. If I’m like this watching kids I’ve known for 6 months graduate elementary school, I’m embarrassed for my own future children.

Billy on the right was my favorite 6th grade boy.  He is so f’ing smart. and Jessi, on the desk (who spells his name like a girl) is a little rascal. Here they were writing their pen pal letters to Kendra’s class in LA!

Heartbreakers

I’m impressed that they’re not covering their faces!

Money & his lil bro Rainbow ❤

Zidane. Oh how I love him. So smart and slightly cocky, but with a little heart of gold.

Billy & Ben

Sweet lil thang was crying!

The lil peach on the right is Sally.  My fave 6th grade girl 🙂

So yea, new school year has begun, the frigid cold has dissipated and spring is upon us.  Ciao ciao winter coat! I will leave you with another disgusting thing that I have tried.  This is that ugly ass fish I like to call the penis fish.  To be politically correct, it’s actually called gaebul, but penis fish is more suiting.  I tried it with Leni when the whole school went on an overnight trip to Gyewah about 3 hours out of Seoul. Wasn’t too bad, but won’t do it again.  As you can see, I’m also a wiz with chopsticks. When in Korea!